Best of The Simpsons Season One Quotes

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At the risk of sounding like an old man, it's hard to believe that when The Simpsons first aired in 1990, I had to watch the show with my parents due to the adult nature of some of the jokes.  Obviously, when you compare seaosn oen of The Simpsons to any primetime cartoon today like Family Guy, South Park, or even current seasons of The Simpsons, it's a joke.

The show was much calmer back then, much less zany, but still had plenty of heart and jokes.  Now's your chance to relive some of the most classic episodes with the most complete collection of The Simpsons quotes from the premiere season.

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Pic

In this post we've put together our favorites from the season, but be sure and browse through our entire collection of The Simpsons season one quotes to vote for your favorites!

Principal Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Homer: How many grades does this school have!? | permalink
Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts. | permalink
Sherri: Hey, Bart, our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does incompetent mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down doughnuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay, I thought you were putting him down. | permalink
Homer: To save this family, we're going to have to make the supreme sacrifice.
Lisa: No, Dad. Please don't pawn the TV!
Bart: Aw, come on, Dad, anything but that!
Marge: Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?
Homer: Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
Pawn Shop Owner: Afternoon, Simpson. So, what can I do for ya?
Homer: Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola?
Pawn Shop Owner: Is it cable ready?
Homer: Ready as she'll ever be.
Pawn Shop Owner: Mister, you got yourself a deal. | permalink
Lisa: Why don't you go see Grampa?
Bart: What can he do?
Lisa: He'll give you good advice. He's the toughest Simpson alive.
Bart: He is?
Lisa: Yeah. Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home? | permalink

Bleeding Gums Murphy: My friends call me Bleedin' Gums.
Lisa: Eww. How'd you get a name like that?
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Well, let me put it this way. You ever been to the dentist?
Lisa: Yeah.
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Not me. I suppose I should go to one, but I got enough pain in my life as it is. | permalink
Bob: Mr. Simpson, you're never gonna own a better RV. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean literally, buddy. This is for you, you know? It's this or a wagon. | permalink
Marge: Homer, you don't even know why you're apologizing.
Homer: Yes, I do. Because I'm hungry, my clothes are smelly, and I'm tired. | permalink
Sideshow Bob: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know. | permalink
Sideshow Bob: Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us. But we must get on with our lives. Let's try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that loveable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Sideshow Bob: And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we? | permalink
Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.
Marge: Really?
Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.
Marge: Leave Homer?
Dr. Monroe: Please, don't use his real name!
Marge: Leave Pedro? | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.