If mommy's purse didn't belong in the microwave, why did it fit?

Ralph

Principal Skinner: You're not supposed to be able to get outside our network.
Nelson: You shouldn't have made your password, "password".
Principal Skinner: It was the name of the street I grew up on, Password Drive.

Willie: What's that?
Principal Skinner: We didn't want to leave you out of the digital revolution. Willie, meet your new supervisor.
Willie: I have to take orders from a machine?
Principal Skinner: Oh it can't speak, but should it ever learn, yes.

He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Ned

A TV star criticizing his writers, what has this world come to? Another bully for your collection boys.

Chief Wiggum

Homer: No no honey, I love everything you force me to do. And sometimes if you do all that, you get a very special night.
Bart: And what does that get you?
Homer: Hopefully not a you.

Bart, some of your biggest heroes are dancers. Krusty was on Dancing with the Stars until a panel of experts determined he wasn't a star.

Lisa

Milhouse: If it's the blue hair and the schnoz you're digging, I've got plenty more cousins.
Bart: Thanks Milhouse, I think I'm gonna steer clear of Van Houtens for awhile.
Milhouse: More for me, marrying a cousin worked out great for my parents.

Dad I apologize. I only say this at gunpoint, but it's true. I love you.

Homer

Abe: That's Mock Rickly, my old Air Force buddy.
Bart: You said you were in the Army.
Lisa: You said you were in the Navy.
Abe: That's the kind of mix up that used to happen when I was in the Marines.

Geez kids, guess you've had your last birthday. You're going to stay your current ages for the rest of your lives.

Marge

Homer: Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.
Moe: Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

The Simpsons Quotes

One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..

Grampa

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.