Gossip Girl: The Reality Index

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It's time yet again for the traditional, weekly Gossip Girl plus-minus reality index from New York Magazine, a recap as insightful as it is absurd.

Some excerpts from their take on "It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World" ...

  • Chuck found time to get a haircut! Plus 3, because it’s not all cocaine and whores.
  • The way Nate, Serena, Dan, and Vanessa handle breakfast is just so non-collegiate. Who wakes up early to peruse textbooks? Who frolics around looking perfect and sharing a cup of homemade coffee? Nobody. Minus 7.
  • Dan says he and Vanessa are “two artists in a relationship,” which is so Dan, and decides to make a list of rules so they won’t fight, which is a concept so even more Dan it might as well be wearing sideburns. Plus 3
More CJ
  • Jenny's adolescent brush with pills has left her with a professional-level awareness of the powers and side effects of various pharmaceuticals. Plus 2.
  • After her freshman year at NYU, Vanessa Abrams is already up for a CNN internship that would take her to Haiti for three months? Um, no. Minus 3.
  • Serena wants her dad to respect her and she wears a skintight, flesh-colored minidress that shows what she ate for lunch to the benefit? Eh, Plus 2.
  • It’s a nice touch that Chuck is snorting cocaine using a hundred-dollar bill, but what is that B-level Champagne bottle? Minus 1. It was not Dom ’95.
  • Plus 10 for the faces Blair makes after she finds out she got in.
  • Jenny Binged "cancer"? Did that really happen? Minus 20.
  • Jenny is being an a$$hole, but like all petulant younger sisters, she has a point: Serena is basing her relationship with her dad on lies, out of fear he won’t accept her. Of course, this doesn’t have anything to do with Jenny’s problems, really, and Serena’s dad did see her in all those topless magazine shots, so only Plus 1.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.