Classic TV Quotes: South Park Season Five

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As we've been going through old South Park seasons as part of our Classic TV Quotes feature, we've been eagerly anticipating season five.  Why?  Two words: Scott Tenorman.

Scott Tenorman Picture

If we could ask for just two more, it'd be "Scott Tenorman Must Die."  Call us sick.  Call us twisted.  But, without a doubt, out of the two hundred plus episodes of our favorite Colorado-based cartoon, this episode still takes the prize for us.

Sure there were plenty of other memorable episodes including the introduction of the "Super Best Friends" and even the lamest ancillary character, "Towelie."  Overall, the fifth season was one of the strongest in the show's history.

So to honor Scott and one of our favorite seasons, we present our favorite South Park quotes from the fourteen episode run:

Head Scoutmaster: Oh, Big Gay Al, it has recently come to our attention that you are gay.
Big Gay Al: Well, stop the presses, did you figure that out all by yourselves, silly buns? | permalink
Jesus: We need to know how to kill a giant stone Abraham Lincoln.
Moses: Um, let me think, um... A giant stone John Wilkes Booth? | permalink
Cartman: They may take our pride, but THEY MAY NEVER TAKE MY GODDAMN $16.12!!! | permalink
Cartman: I made you eat your parents! I made you eat your parents! | permalink
Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call. | permalink
(After licking Scott's tears off the table)
Cartman: Ohhh, the tears of unfathomable sadness, mmm, yummy yummy you guys! | permalink
Sharon: Stanley, do you know why we grounded you for a month?
Stan: No.
Randy: Beating off the dog is never appropriate when we have company over. (glances at Sharon) I mean EVER! Beating off the dog is never appropriate ever! | permalink
Towelie: Don't forget to bring a towel.
Stan: What?
Towelie: When you get out of the water you need to dry off right away to avoid catching a cold. That's why Towelie says, don't forget to bring a towel!
Stan: Okay!
Kyle: Thanks Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Kyle: No. | permalink
Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares.
Guys: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Jimbo: But then you had us all do all that for nothing, don't you see if you get rich selling these homes then there'd still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'll become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison:........Yeah but at least I got rid of all those damn ni[South Park ending theme] | permalink
Cartman: Butters take over for now. Remember what I taught you.
Butters: Come on Jerry you are breakingmy balls. That's right. You heard me. You're breakingmyballs. | permalink
Stan: Wow, your dad's a perv and your mom tried to kill you.
Butters: Yeah, you guys sure are gonna rip on me at school.
Cartman: We sure are.
Butters: Yeah, but as soon as we get to Bennigan's and I get my mozzarella burger I'll forget all about my dad being queer and my mom trying to kill me.
Stan: Really?
Butters: No, I'm lying. | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron