Gossip Girl Reality Index: The Tuesday Breakdown

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Last night's Gossip Girl, "Shattered Bass" featured the return of Jack, the unraveling of Russell's plan, Charlie going nuts and more, as our official review discussed.

For further examination, we turn to one of favorite pieces of Gossip Girl media coverage, N.Y. Magazine's patented reality index. Behold, the weekly +/- scale:

  • Blair's Roman Holiday fantasy (Audrey Hepburn, check!) with Louis turns into a nightmare starring Chuck and a moped crash. Plus 4.
  • Chuck goes to find Blair "before the nice guy actually wins." Plus 2, even though at times, Chuck would've wanted Blair just to be happy.
  • Of course Serena still has a picture of herself kissing Dan on her bureau. Plus 3.
  • We snorted wine out our nose when Louis told Blair, "I want to see all the parts of you, even the ones you are ashamed of." Plus 4, because only a non-native English speaker would be able to say that with a straight face. Or a mature person.
  • Cyrus hugs Princess Sophie. Plus 10.
The Worst Friend Ever
  • Brooklyn may be all "bars, bakeries, and babies" to Chuck, but it's not in real life. Minus 3. Also, it really doesn't seem very Chuckian to name his hotel "Charles Place." Maybe Chateau Blair, but not after himself. Minus 5.
  • What exactly is Charlie's mental illness? That she's diabolical? If that's the case, then the entire Upper East Side is off its meds. Minus 10.
  • What, no update on what Nelly Yuki's been up to these past couple of years? Minus 3.
  • Blair's dress at the engagement party is hideous. Minus 1. It's not even princessian!
  • Vitaminwater? No, no, no, no. Minus 20.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.

Blair