This crazy-arse CBS series just gets wilder and wackier every week.
I'm happy to report Zoo Season 3 Episode 5 was no exception and raised the bar to another level by introducing a speaking, standing monkey hybrid thing. My theory on
who what it is? Well, we'll get there.
Jamie continues to be the most unbelievable female protagonist to know and do all the things on any TV show ever. And I continue to ask why. Let's discuss, shall we?
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
No, Jamie, I don't think you're nearly clever enough to have come up with that cunning plan to manipulate the two terrific men who, for some unknown reason, cannot get you out of their minds.
My disbelief began when Jamie began her questioning with naming herself as her attorney, Mitch as co-counsel, citing precedents in which PTSD allows her said co-counsel and shooing Logan out of the room.
Clem, hey, it's your dad. Chloe tells me you're still in New York. So am I, and apparently I'm a lawyer now.Mitch
My amusement, though, began when Mansdale chose to break out and squirrel away in her sweet ride on board the plane, only to be used as volcano food to trick the hybrids. Man, that was good stuff.
Of course, he was imperative to the incredibly detailed scenario Jamie had cooked up with more layers than an Outback Bloomin' Onion. Her biggest mistake was not allowing for a single mistake.
Surely, she knows Mitch and Logan. From what Logan said, they were two peas in a pod while Mitch was the odd man out in the dunk tank game.
The duo worked really well on the receiving end, that's for sure. My new favorite couple is Mitch and Logan. Zoo Season 1 feels so very long ago, but didn't Mitch used to verbally spar with someone else way back when?
Granted, putting Billy Burke into a scene with just about anyone makes the anyone look better, but in particular, Josh Salatin is a nimble partner for our favorite scientist...err, whatever.
Mitch: I don't need your help. I'm a scientist, for God's sake.
Logan: You're a vet.
While they were attempting to figure out what was behind the death of LeAnn and how to access the letter using her body in the morgue, the two guys couldn't have been more fun.
It was laugh out loud funny as Logan tried to rub the dead woman's finger warm and icing as Mitch began sucking it with a twinkle in his eye.
By the time they were determining who was going to gingerly drop the contact lens into their eye, they were like an old married couple.
It took me a few minutes to realize the contact began flaring blue because it came alive when the tablet did, but nothing about why the contact remained moist on a dead woman's cornea made a lick of sense to me.
The whole thought of putting what should be a dry, crunchy computer chip onto my eye makes me want to cringe. But hey! It tied into the "we eat candy for breakfast" line Isaac gave his mom and dad.
If that wasn't the moment Dariela and Abe should have shouted aloud, I don't know what was. Red flag! Red flag!!
Candy for breakfast?? Good God!! What responsible government agency would feed kid candy for breakfast? (Yes, I'm being sarcastic here, the answer is very tricky because there isn't a good one, is there?)
Admittedly, I kind of didn't get what the heck Melvatox was all about. At first, I heard melba toast, and that would have been a much more practical choice. Melvatox, though, is connected to the cognitive portion of brains and was used for migraines.
I didn't connect the dots to fertility. Maybe I'm not supposed to...
Dariela did a bad thing no matter what she was connecting. She sold out Mitch's kid for her own.
Abe said he couldn't have done it, but he did ponder the idea. Without Dariela being a mom and doing bad things, much like Clem herself was doing to find her dad, there wouldn't be enough drama.
Apparently, we're about to have a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. I don't know about you guys, but I'm truly excited for it.
Either Clem her baby or both as a package are going up for auction to the gentlemen at a starting bid of $85 million.
Clem is carrying a hybrid baby. Whether it's HER baby alone, we don't know. Considering all the hullabaloo Reiden is putting up, I'm guessing she stole something to become impregnated. Hopefully, it comes down to something they, in turn, stole from Abe so there are no baby patent issues in the end.
Good grief. Can you believe I'm talking about this stuff?
Anyway. If only that were the weirdest this eppy got, that'd be cool. But Clem's hybrid baby (hybrid what, one wonders) is just the start.
Because Abigail (injured, bloodied) has been out wandering, and whatever she's doing, well, her new brother wants to stop her.
Jackson has a more colorful history than we knew, and we also discovered Tessa just wanted to have babies. So while they were trying to track Sister Dearest, they stumbled upon yet another hybrid named Abendagos. I think I spelled that right.
It's a monkey man. Who speaks. Jackson, he calls, JACKSON!!
Since weirdo Abigail is stomping around talking to the razorbacks and Jackson doesn't need his clicker to control the lions (I knew it!!), does that mean Abendagos is their dad?
I can't remember what happened to his body. Did they just dump it? With all the serum (or whatever) in his body, what are the chances he wasn't really dead, but transformed and went home to Abigail? Right? I'm voting yes. Why the heck else would a mankey be screaming Jackson?
And that's all I really have to say about that.
Zoo is more fun than a B movie at the drive-in while sitting in a convertible jamming your fist into a bucket of popcorn. If you don't believe me, then watch Zoo online and come back here with the facts to prove me wrong.
Otherwise, gear up to chat about this groovy summer treat down below. What's happening, you guys?!
Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.