I'm still reeling from the end of Absentia Season 1 Episode 4!

I never saw that coming, although maybe I was being naive.

The more Emily and Adam compared notes, (when she wasn't trying to drown him, of course), the more I had hoped they would come to some sort of an understanding. 

Maybe he'd believe her and offer to help her prove her innocence if she somehow helped him. My fear, though, was that Emily would let him go and he'd immediately turn on her. 

Even when Emily ran, I had hoped that Adam might do the right thing, but I suppose that my hope was somebody else's fear, or they wouldn't have put several bullets in him. 

So who was the mystery shooter, and were they lurking and watching all along, or did they arrive at just the right time? Because I don't believe that Emily killed Adam, though I can understand why Nick and Gibbs do. 

Oh, Nick. The poor guy can't catch a break. 

At first, I wondered if Nick doubted Emily about the journal since she broke into Radford's place by herself. Adam could have said that Emily planted the journal there herself and that it was really hers. 

However torn Nick must have felt, he seemed to be on Emily's side, at least until the very end. I think the only person who wouldn't have understood Nick and Emily making love was Alice.

Those two people had their lives torn apart six years ago. Nick mourned her, and Emily fought to survive and return to her family. Their love for one another never died. 

But the circumstances around it got a whole lot more complicated. 

Although I don't blame Nick and Emily for their tryst in the motel room, I wish Emily hadn't run...

Nick: Listen to me, Emily. Very carefully, listen to me because your life literally depends on it. You've abducted the special agent in charge of the Boston field office.
Emily: Just like he abducted me.
Nick: No, no, no. He's the dirty agent, no question. Do I think he killed Harlow? Maybe. But the cabin, it doesn't add up. Think about it.
Emily: He's gonna confess. You'll see, after I do to him a bit of what he did to me.
Nick: How do I get through to you? Do you want Flynn to see you shot dead by SWAT on TV? Is that what you want?
Emily: I just want this to end.

• Permalink: I just want this to end.

Even as I was yelling at Emily not to do it, I understood what motivated her. She'd probably lose her mind if she were locked up again.

Emily believed that Radford wasn't just the man who did that to her the first time, but now he was looking to do it again, only by using more legal means. 

Emily was desperate, yet she still couldn't leave without seeing Flynn and pleading her case. 

Emily: People are going to be saying things about me, and I don't care. I just care that you know that they're not true. I need you to believe me, okay?
Flynn: I believe you.
Emily: Okay.

• Permalink: I need you to believe me, okay?

The only time that Emily Byrne smiles is when she's with Flynn. The joy that shined in her eyes when her little boy said he believed her lit up the screen. 

And then Alice came along. I continue to have sympathy for Alice, while still disliking her, and that's unusual. 

Alice feels her husband and son slipping away. I'm sure she feels as though the only way to get them back is if Emily disappears from their lives once again, and since the world already thinks Emily is guilty, it's easy for Alice to jump on board.

Although I somehow I think she was more comfortable bringing Flynn to visit his mother's gravesite than she would be taking him to visit her in prison. 

When she saw Emily with Flynn at the pool, her true feelings finally spilled out in this Absentia quote...

Alice: I'm sick of trying to make this nightmare livable for everyone. Leave or I'll call the police.
Emily: Flynn is my son.
Alice: You don't deserve him. You're hurting them. You hurt everyone around you and you don't care.

• Permalink: You don't deserve him. You're hurting them. You hurt everyone around you and you don't care.

If she's that angry now, just wait until she finds out that Nick and Emily slept together. That's not going to be pretty. 

One of the things that struck me while watching Nick and Emily make love were the scars on Emily's back. The FBI and Boston PD keep saying that they think Emily abducted herself. Did she somehow give herself those horrible scars too? 

Even with all of the conflicting evidence, I still find it hard to believe that Emily could have done this to herself. But given all of the twists and turns in this story, I'm beginning to wonder if almost anything is possible. 

Now that Radford is dead, Gibbs and Nick have little reason not to believe that Emily murdered him. Robert Semarov was killed. Conrad Harlow was killed. 

And now FBI Special Agent in Charge Adam Radford has been killed. The manhunt for Emily is going to be huge, and I can't imagine that anyone other than Nick and maybe Gibbs will think twice about shooting her on sight. 

The only clue she has is that the Bleeding Eye is really a place, but what kind of place is called The Bleeding Eye? It doesn't sound like that should be so difficult to find, but if Radford was telling the truth, then it won't be anything obvious. 

And even once Emily finds it, with no backup and all of law enforcement hunting her down, how will she be able to prove her innocence on her own. 

Check back in for my review of Absentia Season 1 Episode 5, and you can watch Absentia online right here at TV Fanatic. 

C. Orlando was a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow her on Twitter.