Laura Ridley: I read your book. My dear friend, the Pulitzer-Prize-winning critic, Michiko Kakutani, she slipped me her advanced copy. And I must say I'm offended. Not only by your subpar writing but by your slanderous portrayal of me. So I have filed a lawsuit.
Liam: It's fiction, Mom.
Laura Ridley: The book will never see the light of day, and I will tie up your little vagina power company with so many lawsuits that you will never sign another author again.
Fallon: Are you really that sad?
Laura Ridley: What's sad is this little folly. So I will give you a choice. I will give up the lawsuit if you give up my son.
