Andy Bernard Quotes
Dwight: Ohhhhhh!
Andy: Website check please.
Meredith: Three hundred and five.
Andy: Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
Meredith: Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
Andy: You my friend are in a very close second.
Meredith: Four-oh-two.
Andy: Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?
Meredith: What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.
Ryan: This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use.
Michael: Ohhhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Ryan: I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions?
Dwight: What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?
Ryan: This is company-wide, Dwight.
Dwight: Got it.
Ryan: Andy?
Andy: We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together?
Ryan: Any other questions?
Kelly: Can we speak privately about our relationship?
Ryan: Thank you everybody.
Michael: Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Andy: Fire guy!
Kevin: You weren't here for that.
Andy: Here for what?
Kevin: When he started the fire.
Michael: Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...
Kevin: Little old man boy.
Ryan: Michael and everybody, umm...
Michael: Beard.
Kevin: Bearded man boy.
Ryan: ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.
Michael: Oh, wow!
Ryan: So...
Michael: That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.
Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office?
I've walked two marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance.
I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions.
Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?
Michael: Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.
Michael: Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.
Andy: Isn't that your money?
Michael: That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?
Phyllis: Oh, it's coming.
Michael: Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
Kevin: Michael?
Michael: Yes.
Kevin: You cannot make me run.
Michael: OK.
Pam: Thank God you were there.
Michael: Yeah.
Andy: Did you see who did it?
Dwight: No need we can just check the security tapes.
Michael: Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Andy: It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall.
Dwight: It's like outer space without the stars, it's so black.
Andy: This is gonna look so awesome!
Dwight: It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
Andy: Totally!
I'm a very good interviewee. Why? Because I have something that nobody else has. And that is... my brain. Which makes me charming, witty, intelligent... [long pause] and quick on my feet.
Dwight: Who was the second man on the moon?
Andy: Trick question. There was no second man on the moon.
Dwight: Inventor of the cotton gin.
Andy: Eli Edison.
Dwight: Talk me through an appendectomy.
Andy: Step 1, disinfection. Step 2, incision. Step 3, remove the appendix tenderly so it doesn't burst and spread toxic...icity everywhere.
Dwight: Step 5, the wound.
Andy: Re-suture. Sutures, yes.
Dwight: When is the Paleolithic Age?
Andy: 17 B.C.
Dwight: What is a scented candle?
School Official: The issue with the watermark is very serious.
Jim: Absolutely.
School Official: We teach our students that character counts.
Jim: And you should.
School Official: But-
Andy: Pfft. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a bitch.
Jim: Andy... is having a real rough day today.
Andy: I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words-
Jim: "Good luck."
Andy: That's not what I had in mind.
