Ann: What is your spirit animal?
Chris: Jaguar, why do you ask?

Ann: That's Mission Im-Pawnee-able: Knope Protocol.

Is that a drawing of my reproductive system saying "let's do this"?

Ann: This guy went to Harvard.
Leslie: So did the Unabomber!

April: You know what? I think men are better than women.
Ann: She's kidding.
April: No I'm not. They provide for us and we must obey them because they are our masters.

Why if it isn't Babe Lincoln?

Anything that can be penis shaped, will be penis shaped!

Leslie: 3 out of 4 married couples have met each other at spontaneous auctions!
Ann: I don't think that's true.

Townsperson: I think we should tax all bad thing. Like racism and women's vaginas.
Ann: We're not taxing any genitals.
Townsperson: Then what are we doing here? Come on, boys.

Ron: I went to Paunch Burger and got a number two: Double Bacon Grenade Deluxe with hash browns, chili cheese fries, and one poached egg.
Ann: Ugh, number two is right.

Leslie: Did he do all this just for you?
Ann: No, he just lives like this. He's deeply in debt, but who cares.

Ann: Uh oh, I know that look.
Tom: She's got the crazy eyes.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron