Ari Gold Quotes
Lloyd: I'm down 6 pounds.
Ari: Wow.
Lloyd: Does it show?
Ari: Yes Lloyd, you're half the man you used to be. And you were only half a man when you started so bravo!
You put me in a really bad spot. I lied to my wife. 15 years I've been faithful. I don't want the stress of an affair without the fun of the pussy
E [on the phone]: What are we supposed to do for 12 weeks?
Ari: Enjoy life, what else. And snap some below the belt photos of that partner of yours and send them over here. I am bored...
E: You wish! Later.
Ari: Later.
Mrs. Ari [still half asleep]: You're bored?
Ari: It was a joke baby, you know I'm never bored here. Now give me something.
Mrs. Ari: What time is it?
Ari: I don't know. My cock doesn't wear a watch...
Ari [on the phone with E]: I'm still tingling from the weekend.
Ashley: Who is it?
E: It's Ari. It's OK, go back to sleep.
Ari: Wow, you payed for that or is there actually someone that would bang you for free?
Ari: Keep your eyes on Andrew Kline.
Lloyd: Keep my eyes on him how?
Ari: Pretend he's Zac Efron's Ballsack.
Ari: What I'm capable of doing and what you're capable of doing are two totally different things.
E: So what would you do?
Ari: I would make a scene of biblical proportions. I would lie, scream, beg, borrow, and steal. If that somehow didn't part Amy Miller's legs then I would call racism and I would yell for all to hear: "you're really gonna fire my poor black client off the show he CREATED? I'm calling the NAACP, The Reverend Sharpton and the ghost of my man, Malcom X!"
E: Awesome. Guess I'm gonna try my own thing.
Look. When my son was born, my greatest fear was having this conversation. I knew that I would give him anything he wanted because he was my son. And I couldn't say no, which sucks because it wouldn't help him and he'd just end up on the street doing heroine with The Two Coreys because I was to much of a pussy to teach him a lesson. I won't make that mistake with you.
Turtle: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.
Ari: Talk to me about what?
Turtle: Career advice.
Ari: For who?
Turtle: For me...
Ari But you don't have a career.
E [about Lloyd]: What are you doing to the guy?
Ari: I'm making him a man. Do you remember when I made you one?
Andrew: I have a proposition for you.
Ari: A wife swap tonight, how's the misses looking these days?
Andrew: Not bad, but I'm talking about Lizzy Grant..
Ari: The junior agent with the great ass. Is she offering it up?
My wife will love her, trust me. And when we're together after this, we don't have to speak to them and we get to keep all our money
Ari [leaving dinner]: You need some cash?
Mrs Ari: I am not a hooker.
Ari: Oh, but what a good one you would be!
