Ari Gold Quotes
Even with a million-man army you sometimes have to do the grunt work yourself. Saddam Hussein had to hang a few without his assistants.
Terrence: If you change your mind, you know where I am.
Ari: Clubbing baby seals somewhere?
Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant.
Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone.
Jake: Uhm, any relation to Kelly Kapowski? You know, Saved by the Bell?
Ari: You're finished. Go. You're fucking fired.
If I could gouge out Terrance McQuewick's eyeballs and eat them for what he did to me, I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies into white slavery if we lived in a place that had a market for it. And Lloyd, that little queen, who I welcomed into my home and allowed to play with my children and care for my dogs and who left me for those two scumbags, I would tie him up and let the entire SAG anally rape him if not for the fact he would enjoy it
I always dreamed about ruling the world, but now that I'm getting older I would settle for ruling Hollywood
Lloyd, if you're hiding somewhere, go deeper because I will find you soon enough
Terrance: I have some business I'd like to discuss with you
Ari: A your age, shouldn't you have more important concerns? Like finding an assisted living facility...
Ari: Bye Matt
Matt: So back to human resources?
Ari: Back to the Iowa farm house that breast fed you until 15
Cokley's Receptionist [on the phone]: He won't return your phone call ever
Lloyd: Ever?
Ari [grabs phone]: Why would he? You're a dead man, Lloyd. I'm everywhere!
Lloyd: I'm sorry you feel that way, Ari
Ari: You're sorry, Lloyd? you have no idea how sorry you'll be. I'm going to destroy you. I am going to erode every fiber of your spirit. You know longer exist. You are dead with me and the town will know. Anyone meeting with you, speaking to you, or even nodding to you on the street will be dead as well. So die, Lloyd. Die, die, die! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls, I want you to bite down so he dies too!
Ari: Honey, I need at least a blow job
Mrs. Gold: Blow yourself
Ari: Get [Adam Davies] on the phone and Zac too.
Lloyd: Zac who?
Ari: Zac who you don't get to know his name because you are a peasant. [Shows Zac Efron's phone number]
Lloyd: Oh good god. Abs alert!
Ari: Don't whack off to the sound of his voice. Chop chop!
