The molten chocolate cake looks slutty and delicious. Would it kill you to say that about me?

Let's face it, like Drew Barrymore, I am an adorable fire starter.

Cam: The doctor says absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

Lily: Where's the little leprechaun?
Cam: I think he's still getting dressed.

We call ourselves the artful lodgers.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

She may not have gotten our talent, but she didn't get our self-consciousness either.

Obviously there were 2 gifts wrapped similarly and my eyes were a little watery from the thick fog of vapor rub back there.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?