Claire Dunphy Quotes
Luke: Why does Alex get a care package and not me?
Claire: You live in a care package.
Phil, we're them! We're the cover of the old people pamphlet.
Phil: Trust me I'm cool as a cucumber. Something about the coat just knows what my body needs.
Claire: You're sweating like a heroin addict.
Claire: You think maybe you're being a little hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents Claire, it's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.
Claire: You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now right?
Mitchell: My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash. I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.
Claire: Phil, duck feed!
Phil: Hey, that's almost my name.
Phil: It's time, somebody warm some towels!
Claire: Every time I crack an egg, really?
Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.
I couldn't be more relaxed if I was in a coma.
Let's review. She's been moody, eating weird food, getting nauseous. She left in the middle of the night for a wedding chapel in Vegas with her secret love, and most suspicious of all, she bought a book!
Claire: Phil, honey, when I’m not home I need you to be present and keep track of everyone.
Phil: Sounds good. Love you too.
Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.