Cosmo Kramer Quotes

Kramer: Come on Jerry hurry I don't want to miss it.
Jerry: Let me finish my coffee. Then we'll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.

The Doctor: I have no medical evidence to back me up, but something happened during the operation that staved off that infection. Something beyond science. Something perhaps from above
Kramer: Mint?
The Doctor: Those can be very refreshing.

(while in the sauna) Whew. It's like a sauna in here.

Kramer: Come on, what's wrong with my boys?
Jerry: Your boys should stay in their neighborhood.

Jerry, are you blind?! He's a writer. He said his name was Sal Bass. Bass, Jerry! Instead of salmon he went with bass. He just substituted one fish for another!

</i> Kramer

Kramer: (in Newman's ear) This guy's nothin' but a piece of crap
Newman: You are nothing but a piece of crap.
Ron: Pardon me?
Kramer: (in Newman's ear) A piece of crap
Newman: A piece of crap.
Kramer: (in Newman's ear) I find you extremely ugly
Newman I find you extremely ugly.
Ron: Do you?
Kramer: (in Newman's ear) You emit a foul and unpleasant odor
Newman: You emit a foul and unpleasant odor.
Ron: Oh, is that right?
Kramer: (in Newman's ear) I loathe you
Newman: I loathe you.

Kramer: Come on, I thought we were all gonna take a steam.
Jerry & George: No! No Steam!
Kramer: Well I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself!

I understand women. The snub is good. They love the snub.

Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate! So I throw one inside, a little chin music put him right on his pants, because I got to intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well, the next pitch, he's right back in the same place! So I had to plunk him.

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

(describing Jerry) A guy who's about five foot eleven, he's got uh, a big head and flared nostrils.

I don't want a movie hot dog. I want a Papaya King hot dog!

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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