Cyril: You could pose him with Woodhouse
Krieger: God knows he's a little GILF.

Cyril: He can't come in without a warrant - well, unless you invite him in.
Archer: He's not a vampire, idiot. Plus it's daytim

Cyril: Only if you promise to periodically micromanage it and emasculate me.
Malory: Cyril. I would have thought that goes without saying.

Cyril: I only have two eyes and they were looking for hunters.
Lana: Why, is it pumpkin season?
Cyril: Is that a thing?

Ray: To reiterate, I am paralyzed!
Cyril: Well, join a support group.
Malory: For who? Crippled gay hillbilly spies? There's a niche.

Archer: Did you just say Gay G B?
Cyril: Aww...do you think it's the mustache?
Ray: It's not helping.

Ray: Ooh! Here's an idea. Why don't you just saw your God damned head off?
Cyril: Geez. What's up your butt?
Ray: Nothing is up my butt, Cyril. Oh, or maybe there is. I wouldn't know because I'm paralyzed from the waist down and it's Archer's fault!
Krieger: Uh, gettin' some mileage out of that, huh?

It's like a vagina with a zipper.

Cyril: Every single time we come here we have to help you get rid of a dead body.
Malory: Well you've only been here twice.

Cyril: And I thought, what would Lana do?
Archer: Not Archer?
Cyril: No, I had to outsmart them.

Cyril: I was jacking it on the telephone.
Archer: Does Internet porn know you were cheating on it?

Cyril: Kriegers father's was a Nazi scientist.
Malory: And JFK's father was a bootlegger.
Cyril: What!? That's like comparing apples to Nazi oranges.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?