Favorite Dr. Gregory House Quotes
House: How often do you use your vibrator?
Carmen: Excuse me?!
House: Your battery-operated Brad Pitt.
Masters: Julie doesn't have smallpox.
House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... oh, my God, I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.
Nonconformity, right. I can't remember the last time I saw a twenty-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does and get a haircut. Like the Asian kids who don't leave the library for 20 hours stretches, they're the ones who don't care what you think. Sayonara.
Why do you hate chickens? I had to choke one last night because of you.
House [to Cuddy]
House: She has God inside her. It would be easier to deal with a tumor.
Dr. Wilson: Maybe she's allergic to God.
Hanna: Can I ask what's wrong with your leg?
House: Crane fell on it. Small world.
Hanna: You could have just said no.
House: I'll remember that for my next human contact.
Dr. Foreman: Notice anything odd about the shape of the fluid collection?
House: Oh, God, it's... the Virgin Mary.
Thirteen: Stay out of my life.
House: Okay.
Thirteen: I know you canceled my reservation. You obviously saw me log on when you were spying on me at the coffee shop.
House: I was talking to you. I was spying on the MILF in the running shorts.
Dr. Cuddy: You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain. Drugs, sarcasm... keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.
House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?
Dr. Cuddy: Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that.
What better cover than a business trip to Nebraska? Like that's really a place.
What am I gonna wear? All my cereal boxes are at the cleaners.
Cuddy: What's your plan?
House: First, we take Berlin. Then, we circle around Poland and yell: "surprise!"
