Dwight Schrute Quotes
When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. It was just a lot going on
Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian.
Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight: Really?
Andy: Yeah.
Dwight: Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
Andy: The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.
Dwight: And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.
Andy: No, that's ridiculous.
Dwight: No no no.
Andy: Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-
Dwight: Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know ...
Dwight: Hey buddy, what are you up to?
Andy: Um, nerthing?
Dwight: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis.
Andy: Pffft.
Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
Michael: I'm starting my own paper company.
Andy: No way!?
Michael: Yeah.
Andy: In this climate?
Michael: Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in.
Andy: Ehh... well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm... Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that?
Dwight: Your own paper company.
Michael: Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so
Dwight: Right...
Michael: Potential, lots of potential. yes.
Dwight: What a courageous venture.
Michael: It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um...
Dwight: Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities...
Michael: That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing.
Dwight: Okay. So yeah.
Michael: So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now.
Dwight: You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.
Dwight: Ask him about the party.
Michael: [on speakerphone] Oh, right. David, are you coming to my 15th anniversary party?
David: I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
Dwight: No the other thing.
Michael: Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? [longsilence]
Dwight: He hung up?
David: No.
Dwight: Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal-mining communities.
Michael: Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on!
Dwight: We'll finish it up later, but essentially what we're talking about is...
Dwight: Oh, here's one: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music.
Michael: You know, that's good but it's not classy. I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Michael: Yes.
Dwight: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Michael: He is.
Dwight: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
Michael: That's what makes him classy.
Jim: I just feel like after 15 years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember.
Michael: I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here.
Jim: And of course, classy.
Michael: And classy, yeah.
Dwight: Michael, you're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here?
