Dwight Schrute Quotes
Michael: We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking-
Dwight: OK, what am I thinking right now?
Michael: Umm, nacho chips.
Dwight: No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.
Michael: Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me.
Dwight: Oh, not gonna happen.
Michael: OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.
Dwight: Impossible.
Michael: Yes, you did.
Dwight: I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.
Dwight: Wasn't my idea. Loved it - but I can't.
Michael: Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary.
Dwight: You don't keep a diary.
Michael: Yes I do. You've just never seen it. [reading from diary] March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.
Dwight: Hold that thought. [Dwight gets up and gets own diary from desk and returns] March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers 10 perfect off for one year.
Michael: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer.
Michael: Come on in. Good to see ya, have a seat. I just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea.
Dwight: That was your idea.
Michael: Woah, wow, who told you that?
Dwight: You did. Several times. Over and over again.
Dwight: What are you doing?
Michael: What are you doing?
Dwight: Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
Michael: You, you like that?
Dwight: C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.
Michael: Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.
Jim: Ding Dong.
Michael: [to Jim] Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight: I'm not answering it.
Michael: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: No way, it's the KGB.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael: I'm not gonna answer it
Dwight: I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.
Jim: The KGB will wait for no one!
Dwight: It's true.
Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!
Michael: I need something to wipe my hand.
Pam: Now there's, there's butter on my desk.
Michael: That was helping. It was classic.
Dwight: I got a knock-knock joke.
Michael: No... God.
Dwight: So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you.
Blonde: OK.
Dwight: OK, what's up?
Blonde: Look, I'm gonna go...
Dwight: Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign-
Blonde: Look, we already have a paper supplier.
Dwight: OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God!
Michael: Hey, you don't deserve her.
Dwight: Thanks, Michael.
Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight: Oh, not likely. Three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.
Oscar: It's possible.
Kelly: She could be.
Michael: Believe me its nothing. I hardly even talked to her we just, we were lying there next to each other, I think our blood bags touched.
Kelly: Aww.
Dwight: ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?
Michael: No reason.
Dwight: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Dwight: Hey, it just takes one!
Michael: Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
Kelly: You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Michael: It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
Dwight: I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead.
Blonde: I believe you.
Dwight: You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today.
Blonde: Um, I work at a place that does catalogs for community colleges and small businesses.
Dwight: You must use a lot of paper.
Blonde: Oh God, tons of it.
Dwight: Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.
Michael: Babe alert! [to redhead] Hello, I'm Michael Scott, welcome to our little shindig.
Lynn: Oh, hi! I'm Lynn.
Michael: Lynn, follow me, come on in. For you we have one of our top people Kevin Malone. Kevin, come out here show your beautiful self.
Kevin: Hello.
Lynn: Hi.
Michael: So run with the ball! Run with it, Kev. Where you from?
Kevin: I'm from here!
Michael: Yeah, OK. Well, he only gets better.
Kevin: Thank you, Michael.
