Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: Michael, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause.
Michael: I like it.
Dwight: Followed by a 15-minute moment of silence.
Dwight: Ding dong.
Jim: Who is it?
Dwight: KGB.
Jim: Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second.
Dwight: [in accent] When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?
Jim: Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine.
Dwight: We have more houses to visit.
Jim: If you want to come back then, that'll be fine.
Dwight: We will come back at... how is [looks at watch] 4:45?
Jim: I get back from work around 6.
Dwight: How about 5:15?
Jim: You can try. That, that might work.
Dwight: Very well, we will come back at 5:15.
Jim: Alright.
Michael: When they look back on this day in the history books all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I am going to write down in my diary. That is what I want you to write down in yours.
Dwight: Oh I am. In my own words.
Michael: I want to see it.
Dwight: No.
Michael: I want to see it.
Dwight: No, Michael.
Michael: Give me... Give me the diary.
Dwight: No!
Michael: OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that?
David: No, no.
Dwight: It is my idea.
Michael: Oh how dare you.
Dwight: It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.
Michael: You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard?
Dwight: Horse Boat.
David: [on speakerphone] Hey guys, I have with me Dwight Schrute. Dwight, take it away.
Dwight: OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.
Pam: Thanks for much for helping the company, Dwight.
Dwight: Oh Pam.
Creed: Good work, kid.
Dwight: Thanks old man.
David: This, this is great. Oh, OK, look I want to get you on the horn with the marketing people in New York. The should meet you.
Dwight: Yeah.
David: Pam, could you set up a call in there in about 15 minutes, please?
Pam: Sure.
Michael: David? David?
Michael: Hey, Dwight, great idea. Dwight, Dwight, great idea. How'd you come up with that idea?
Dwight: Inspiration.
Michael: Really? How did- how are you inspired? How did it pop into your head Dwight?
Dwight: You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom.
Michael: Give me the details of how that happened.
Jim: You, you are taking about Dwight Schrute. The biggest Wonka fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years.
Michael: What?
David: Dwight I owe you an apology. The head of Blue Cross just called. They were so excited about the golden ticket discount that they have decided to make Dunder Mifflin their exclusive provider of all office supplies. Congratulations Dwight.
Dwight: David... you're welcome.
Jim: You cannot take the fall for him.
Dwight: He said he would do the same for me.
Jim: He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do?
Dwight: I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination.
Jim: There it is.
Dwight: I love working here and I do not want to leave.
Michael: He doesn't love it that much. Wouldn't be such a bad thing for him to be fired.
Dwight: Well...
Michael: I mean, like we were talking about that is why he has come to the conclusion...
Dwight: We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world.
Michael: Right.
Dwight: No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom.
Michael: That's it. That's it. You can't put a price on freedom.
Dwight: Try me.
Michael: That's why you made the decision. That's why you made...
Dwight: I haven't made a decision yet.
Michael: You kind of have.
Dwight: No.
Michael: Yes.
Michael: Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly.
Dwight: What about Shoe La La?
Michael: It's not ready yet.
I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.
