Elaine Benes Quotes

George: I am speechless. Speechless! I have no speech.
*later*
Elaine: I am speechless! I am without speech.

Elaine: Michael called me today, and he asked me where Robin was.
George: Yeah, okay.
Elaine: And I said I hadn't seen her.
George: What?!
Elaine: No, no George! You don't understand! She didn't tell me she was using me as an excuse! Okay?! But then I realized what was going on, and I said that she left a note. Um, but he didn't really buy that. And then, and then he did mention your name.
George: He mentioned my name?! What did he say?!
Elaine: He said he was going to sew your @$$ to your face.

You're soooooo good looking!

Jerry/Elaine

I know Jerry. He's not a Nazi. No. He's just neat.

Kramer: (points to Jerry) O'Brien, long time no see. (points to George) How's tricks, Murphy?
Tim: Why did you call him O'Brien and him Murphy?
Jerry: No, he was talking to me. He's cross-eyed.
Elaine: It could be very confusing.

Newman: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.
Kramer: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp... Newman was in front of me. Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, "Nice game pretty boy." Keith continued past us up the ramp.
Newman: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.
Elaine: What was it?
Kramer: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"
Newman: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

Jerry, he's a guy.

Cynthia: What does he look like?Elaine: Um, well, he's got a lot of character in his face. Um, he's short. Um, he's stocky.Cynthia: Fat. Is that what you're saying, that he's fat?Elaine: Powerful. He is so powerful, he can lift a hundred pounds right up over his head. And um, what else. What else. Oh, right. Um, well, he's kind of, just kind of losing his hair.Cynthia: He's bald?Elaine: No! No, no, no, he's not bald. He's balding.Cynthia: So he will be bald.Elaine: Yup.

  • Permalink: Yup.
  • Added:

Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.

Elaine: Well, at least you're not bitter.Cynthia: Who says I'm not bitter?Elaine: Aren't you too young to be bitter?

Cynthia thought we should nuke the rainforest, get rid of it in one sweep, just so we can eliminate it as a topic of conversation.

Cynthia: He was uncomfortable because it was our first time so he felt he would perform better if we did it in the kitchen. He said the kitchen is always the
most sociable room in the house. And he was serious.
Elaine: So, how was it?
Cynthia: How good could it be? My head was on a hot plate.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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