Popular Evelyn Harper Quotes
Evelyn: You're a dermatologist. How do I get rid of 170 lb skin tag?
Alan: Excuse me, 164.
Charlie: Really? That's the part of you object to?
Alan: Would you like to be called a 200 lb drunk?
Charlie: 180.
Alan: See?
Charlie: Yeah, well better a lush than a leach.
Children are God's little way of punishing us for having sex.
Evelyn: If you excuse me, I'm going to go drown my sorrows in alcohol.
Charlie: If you're not committed to alcohol, there's a whole big ocean out there.
Evelyn: You go out with a girl and break up with her hoo-hah can develop a 5'o clock shadow.
Alan: Well, in his defense mom, he's usually paying by the hour.
Evelyn: What is wrong with him (Jake)?
Alan: Nothing organic. We've had him checked.
It's all right, I never expect much of you. And you never disappoint me.
Evelyn: I'll be right back,
Alan: Where are you going?
Evelyn: To put on panties.
Alan: Is that for luck?
Evelyn: No, just kissing it goodbye.
Evelyn: You're my son. I should at least pretend I believe in you.
Alan: Thank you.
Evelyn: I'm putting "American Cancer Society" on the memo line. Just ignore that.
You really should get that boy a unicycle and bowling pins.
Walden: Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn: With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
Walden: See what you can find.
For god sake's walden, I'm old enough to be your mother. Assuming a teenage pregnancy, of course.
