Favorite Jack Donaghy Quotes
verybody settles. At one point my obituary was going to read "CEO Of GE Dies Violently In Casino Orgy." Now what's it going to say, "Middle Manager Of A Philadelphia Porn Distributor Never Wakes Up?"
Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant if my computer is always...
Liz: We need to get these guys! Don't you know the Postmaster General?
Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. If I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd return Joan Baez's phone calls.
Jack: You are both a disgrace to the Donaghy name!
Jack's Dad: It's pronounced "Don-a-fee," you lace-curtain half-an-Englishman!
Jack: When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... [raises fists] Well now I'm gonna let "Saint Patrick" and "Saint Michael" DO MY TALKING FOR ME!
Jack's Dad: [raises fists] You'll have to get through "Tip O'Neill" and "Bobby Sands" first!
Eddie Donaghy: You call those fist names?! [raises fists] Say hello to "Bono" and "Sandra Day O'Connor!"
Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.
[on his speed dial rankings] Blackberry Warren Buffett, iPhone Jimmy Buffett.
Jack: I knew you would do this...take a happy moment and ruin it, just like you did when I won that scholarship at my high school graduation.
Colleen: It should've gone to the other boy!
I'm already not liking some of these people. It reminds me of being on the bus.
I don't know why you're wearing girls' pajamas, but I'm sure it's cultural.
Jack: Lemon, I don't know how to do this.
Liz: I know.
Jack: I don't get it. It's not the fear. I thrive on fear.
Liz: Yeah, you're lookin' out a fake window right now, by the way.
Jack: I bow hunt polar bear. I once drove a rental car into the Hudson to practice escaping. And it's not the public speaking, there's just something about performing I can't wrap my brain around. All this creative crap. Acting. Ahhh. I've never been able to do it. Never.
Jack: All right, Jerry, what NBC shows do you want to be digitally inserted into?
Seinfeld: I like Lost. Is that you guys?
Jack: The days of your wild coke parties are over.
Liz: Well, if by coke you mean soda.
Jack: I do.
Professor Milton Green, who's working on a three volume biography of Jimmy Carter, and if I give him a kidney he might, just might, live long enough to finish it.
