Damn them and their perfectly crafted time pieces!

I thought this was America, not Arizona.

Carl, I see you've grown a new douchebag.

Quick impression--waaaa. Who am I? You guys.

Britta: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff: Because they've never seen a man who's had sex before?

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

Do you know how long someone who is as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? Suuuuuuch a long time.

Also when you die you go all the way back to the study room, so don't die.

Dammit, I thought we could count on Britta not to screw up drinking.

A 100 year old man spent 30 years creating a video game? This I have to see.

Helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good.

Abed won't go to any kind of doctor on his own. Last year we caught him trying to remove his own tonsils.

Community Quotes

We spend too much time together.


Annie: I've been following you, how did you get Troy to play football?
Jeff: I'm not having a conversation with someone that emerged from a bush
Annie: Because I'm right?
Jeff: No, because I'm not in a commercial for a breakfast cereal