I don't step up to being leader, Troy. I reluctantly accept it when it's thrust upon me.

I hear he has more paint than a French kindergarten.

Jeff: My forehead's not that big right?
Troy: It's not small.

I'm not risking my butt hauling ammo back for the guy that has Vicky dancing for Twinkies.

Britta: Women have a connection to their bodies you could never understand
Jeff: You have a booger.
Britta: I know. It's a part of me.

Stop being meta. Stop taking everything we do and shoving it up its own ass.

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!

Jeff: It's not you, it's me.
Britta: It's you.

Jeff: It's called chemistry. I have it with everybody.
Shirley: Everybody? I haven't felt any of that chemistry coming my way. I don't know if it's because your racist or because I intimidate you sexually, but I know it's one of those two.

Abed, you're a computer. Scan your mainframe for some juicy memories.

Troy: Didn't we decide at the beginning of the year that for the good of the group we wouldn't allow any intimacy between each other or ourselves?
Jeff: We never said ourselves.
Troy: Ok, now I'm really mad!

Pierce: Who is the dumpling with the nice Asian pair?
Jeff: I think that's the first time sexism has made me hungry.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.