Favorite Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
If you've got a t-shirt with blood stains all over it maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now.
Jerry: So, do you date immature men?
Vanessa: Almost exclusively.
I'm always in traffic with the lane expert, you know this person? Constantly re-evaluating their lane choice. Never quite sure "is this the best lane for me for my life?". Always a little bit ahead of you; "can I get in over there, can I get ahead of you, can I get in there?". Yeah, come on over here pal, we're zooming over here! This is the secret lane, nobody knows about it.
He talks about him like he split the atom. He works for the Parks Department.
Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!
(reading his note) 'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?
Jerry: The best revenge is living well.
George: There's no chance of that.
Jerry: (to George) You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: I give up! I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
Elaine: How do we know that dog food is any good? Who tastes it?
Jerry: She's really hungry.
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
George: (singing) Oh hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl who walked out on me. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I need my baby, oh, won't you tell her. I love her. Oh, hey
Jerry: George I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!