Popular Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Policeman: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer is that 'bout it?
Elaine: Answering machine.
Jerry: Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of someone out there returning my calls.
So I move into the center lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me the finger. It seems like such an arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person. It's a finger, what does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe, you've gotta get the shoe off, the sock off and drive, get it up and (Jerry pretends to drive with one foot in the air, giving the toe.) "Look at that toe, buddy." (He puts his foot down.) I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it?
How late are the stores open? I'm thinking of maybe of buying a new TV and smash it over my head.
Larry: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable.
George: We're really glad for you.
Elaine: Couldn't be happier.
Jerry: It's wonderful.
Kramer: Now, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna borrow some tea. If I don't get back in five minutes, maybe you'd better call the police.
Jerry: OK, starting (looks at his watch)NOW!
Kramer: Yeah! (runs off)
Jerry: You could take it? You want it?
George: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it.
Jerry: So you do want it.
George: No I, I want it if you don't want it!
Jerry: You just said, you wanted it!
Elaine: Jerry, you can barbecue back here (points to garden).
Jerry: They deliver the coal?
Elaine: Sure, it's probably the same guy, who delivers the wood.
Jerry: Oh, than I gotta tip him.
Elaine: Look! Look atlook at this! There's a garden.
George: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
Jerry: Would I have to get a gardener?
Elaine: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
Jerry: You tip him?
Jerry: How do you get all that wood in here?
Elaine: They deliver it.
Jerry: They deliver wood?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What da ya tip a "wood guy"?
Jerry: (to Elaine) You would still wanna move in here?
Elaine: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.
Jerry: (turns around and sees George) How did you get in here?
George: (does some hand and arm motions)
Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.
