Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSJules Cobb Quotes
Jules: In one of our friendship talks, Travis told me she's not even on the pill. Condoms break all the time.
Laurie: Especially if there's piercings involved.
Ellie: Stop, I'm begging you.
Ellie: Do you remember that great Thanksgiving blowup where your uncle mike got drunk and told your cousin she was invited.
Jules: She was fourteen and Korean, on some level she knew.
Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.
Jules: The sales after Thanksgiving this year are going to be insane. We're talking full on shopping orgy.
Laurie: We are gonna save so much money by spending.
Jules: Hey resort Trent, you're even cuter out of your uniform.
Trent: I'm gay.
Jules: Just go with it, Trent. Come on, I'm trying to scrape together a fantasy here. If I can be Resort Jules, you can be Straight Trent.
Trent: I was Straight Trent for sixteen years.
Jules: Great! What's another hour?
Regular Jules wouldn't do this, but Resort Jules says, "say hello to Tonya and her slightly smaller cousin Tina."
Here, I'm Resort Jules. And Resort Jules is fun. And she's crazy. And she refers to herself in the third person like a professional athlete.
Your dad convinced some tourist that he's a hunting guide, so not only can he not watch you, but he might end up dead.
Jules: Alright great the bet starts now
Bobby [entering]: J-bird!
Grayson: Wow, point five seconds. I just went twenty dollars
Bobby: Sounds like I was involved, want to go splitsies?
Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time
I'm happy about Bobby's new horn, the odds from my son dying in a golf cart accident went from definitely to probably
Ellie: You totally had sex last night
Jules: How'd you know
Ellie: I'm your best friend, I know these things, plus there's a condom wrapper on your back
Jules: Oh, is it just the one?
Ellie: Good god, Jules
