Why? Why won't he love me.

Chick: Ding a ling a ling...
Jules: That's my cue since I was four. I had to use both my hands.
Laurie: Awe how cute.

(pretending to be Ellie) Jules, I can say you look beautiful, because you're the only one I'm nice to.

You said you'd be mean, but that cut like a knife.

Jules: What did he just say?
Laurie: Got me!
Ellie: Razzle dazzle.

(to Ellie about Andy) I'm going to beat the optimism out of that man.

Could you imagine if we ever dated. It would be like dropping a bomb on a forest fire.

Do you know who else mates for life? Termites.

Ellie: Really Bug Hookers?
Laurie: That's the title!

You broke Bobby, you fix him. And I'm borrowing this. It's cute.

Bobby: Steak and champagne.
Laurie: I love me some beef and bubbles. Oh! That should be our secret detective names.

Jules: You can't wear fake nails on just one hand, it makes you look like a crazy whore
Laurie: I only had four left and this is the hand I smoke with

Cougar Town Quotes

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.