NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSFavorite Leroy Jethro Gibbs Quotes
Gibbs: Abs, it's Christmas Eve. Go home.
Abby: I can't. I have to go shopping.
Gibbs: Then do it.
Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.
Gibbs: What's going on? Why the fake i.d.?
Franks: About a year ago, some former - let's say associates - come up to me because they had a 12-year old Afghan girl who they were helping smuggle into the U.S.
Gibbs: Okay, stop. I can't hear any more of that.
Franks: You need to. This girl had been raped repeatedly by her uncle. When she finally went to the police, they arrested her.
Gibbs: For what?
Franks: For being outside without a male escort. Without her uncle, for Pete's sake. I was just supposed to help with the one, but when I met the kid.....this sweet innocent child...it ain't something you let go. So I hooked up with this group that runs women's shelters in Kabul. I kind of run their underground railroad. You know - helping them relocate their hard cases.
Gibbs: Rule number eleven, DiNozzo.
Tony: I would never date a coworker, Boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even... That's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, walk away.
Tony: It's obvious you're looking to hire a replacement.
Gibbs: Motive?
McGee: I don't know. Maybe you think we need the help. Three's the magic number. Who knows? But, we don't need anyone else, boss. And we don't want anyone either.
Gibbs: I was talking about the murder.
Gibbs: Officer Hadar. You almost made me spill my coffee.
Hadar: Americans... You can never just say hello.
Gibbs: How about shalom? Hello and good-bye.
Hadar: And peace, Agent Gibbs.
Gibbs: Not a lot of that when you're around.
Ziva: We killed you first, Tony.
Tony: Oh, I've seen it a million times. The pretty popular girl gets jealous when the hot new transfer comes in and steals all the spotlight. Well, it's pretty much a staple of every high school movie from the seventies and eighties : Heathers, Fast Times ...
Gibbs: Who got jealous in Fast Times? God, I like Phoebe Cates.
(McCallister unscrews the top of his cane)
McCallister: Damnit! I brought the wrong cane. Other cane's got the flask.
Gibbs: Hey, Riley. Where'd they dig you up? (gestures to the coffee) Keep you sharper.
McCallister: (scoffs) Please. The coffee here is weaker than a Frenchman's handshake.
Tony: Don't believe the word he says. We've got motive, we've got opportunity.
Gibbs: Ahah.
Tony: I know. Why'd he come back?
Gibbs: It's a good question... Boss.
Tony: Boss?!
Gibbs: Was your case, wasn't it?
Tony: Yeah. You're not going back to Mexico, are you?
Gibbs: Your case, your lead.
Tony:(smiles) Really?
Gibbs: Yeah. I think it's even a rule.
Gibbs: No costume this year?
Abby: After last year's Jonas Brothers debacle, Vance banned costumes. McGee? Skinny jeans? Didn't work.
Ducky: Aren't you on the wrong side, of the glass? Oh, look at her, look at the state she's in! I would have thought you would have wanted to be in there yourself, instead of letting Vance interrogate her.
Gibbs: Don't you have some bodies to attend to, Duck?
Ducky: The evidence from the Damocles is being unloaded as we speak. Isn't this punishing her? I mean, you aren't concerned that she might lie to you?
Gibbs: It's tough love.
Ducky: You do know that there are other kinds?
Gibbs: You got something for me, Abs?
Abby: She came down here an hour ago, asking to look at Petty Officer Well's computer. She was all "please" and all "thank you". She brought me this.
Gibbs: She's just trying to be nice.
Abby: I know. It's freaking me out, man.
Ducky: Something wrong, Jethro?
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. (hands Ducky a file) His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh dear. (chuckles) Someone's in trouble. (looks at the certificate) I signed it?!
