Leslie Knope Quotes
Shauna: How's this for a headline? Parks department foiled by pipe dreams.
Leslie: God, that's an amazing headline. But please don't write that story.
Leslie: It's not cool. It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules then they're not really your friends.
April: Whoa, who are you even talking about?
Leslie: Ah, you are the person that's been emailing me about Twilight. I thought you would be younger. And a girl.
Kelly: Well I'm not. I'm older and a boy.
Leslie: I thought of a great headline: It's time to en-capsule-ate the future. Sub headline: The parks department cuts the crapsule, buries the time capsule.
Leslie: Yes. Pawnee has had its set of problems. But this time capsule is our way of saying that Pawnee is going to be around for a long time... capsule. And you can quote me on that.
Shauna: Oh, I'm actually going to quote you on all of this because it's a newspaper article.
Leslie: Pawnee, the Paris of America. Pawnee, the Akron of southwest Indiana. Pawnee, welcome, German soldiers. After the Nazis took France our mayor kind of panicked. Pawnee, the factory fire capital of America. Pawnee, welcome, Vietnamese soldiers. Pawnee, engage with Zorp. For a brief time in the '70s, our town was taken over by a cult. Pawnee, Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. Pawnee, it's safe to be here now. Pawnee, birthplace of Julia Roberts. That was a lie, she sued and so we had to change it. Pawnee, home of the world famous Julia Roberts lawsuit. Pawnee, welcome, Taliban soldiers. And finally, our current slogan: Pawnee, first in friendship, fourth in obesity.
Leslie: And I am submitting this: A brief history of everything that has ever happened since Pawnee was founded. Not like you get extra credit for this, but I did type it from memory and for the first time ever compiled, it includes a complete list of every official town slogan we've ever had
Ben: I got you some waffles here courtesy of J.J.'s Diner. And chicken soup courtesy of me.
Leslie: I'll take the waffles.
Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it, would you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence?
Leslie: That's a very good question, sir. And I would counter with my own question, which is: Why is half of your face all swirly?
Leslie: Oh, boy. Hold on. Be careful.
Ben: What?
Leslie: The floor and the wall just switched. Walk very carefully.
I'm not sure. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it. Do you know the exchange rate?
