Leslie Knope Quotes
April: So this is a multimedia project. First, a bunch of rats made out of garbage. And um, this is a TV screen that'll be like a big flat screen TV and it'll play looped video of knee surgeries. And then, this is a human-size hamster wheel that will be next to the mural, if we can get one. And it'll be spinning and there will be like a fat guy in it all the time like screaming and like eating raw beef and like bleeding and like blood will come out of his mouth and stuff. And um, it'll be like right next to, the mural.
Leslie: I have one question. Why?
April: If you have to ask, you don't get it.
Donna: OK, so, here's where it gets a little dicey 'cause there's not that many celebrities from Indiana. So, um, a Nascar. Uh, my friend Becky, Ron Swanson...
Leslie: Donna, who's the Jesus?
Donna: That would be Greg Kinnear.
Leslie: Do you think he's the best choice for Jesus? I mean he was great on ER.
Tom: Greg Kinnear wasn't in ER.
Leslie: Yeah he was.
Ann: I don't think that he was.
Leslie: Who am I thinking of?
I know everything about this town and these murals, and that's why this is a dream come true. Literally, I have had a dream where I design a mural, but then it turned into a nightmare because the mural started talking and it came alive. And it was whispering and I couldn't hear what it was saying so I leaned in close and then it ate me. At one point Gina Gershon was there.
Donna: No offense, Leslie, but I'm not an artist.
Leslie: That's not true, Donna. I've seen your fingernails.
Donna: Um, I pay someone to do this.
Leslie: You can have two legacies. Look at Madonna: great singer, amazing arms.
Tom: Look at O.J. Simpson: Heisman Trophy winner, Naked Gun.
Joe, you work in sewage. Your department literally specializes in crap. You really want to do this?
We really need better security here. We also need better, less offensive history.
The mural that normally resides here is called The Spirit of Pawnee, and it's very controversial. We've had someone throw acid at it, tomato sauce. Someone tried to stab it once.
Ron: Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her?
Leslie: She works for the library.
Ron: She works for the library.
Ron: Tammy is a mean person.
Leslie: Come on, Ron. You can do better than that.
Ron: She's a grade-A bitch.
Leslie: There we go.
Are you even listening to yourself? You're defending the library now? Ron, the library. Of all the horrifying miserable things in the world.
So what did you guys talk about? Old times? Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great too, but there's just something about old times. You know what I mean?