Lucille: (about Lucille 2) She changed him as a baby!
Michael: Ok, that's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
Buster: That's why she didn't look surprised.
Lucille: Oh, don't give me that look. I happen to be a more caring mother than most.
Buster: Where's my bed?
Lucille: I put it in storage.
Lucille: I'm so glad you're here. I want you to help me break up your brother and his girlfriend.
Michael: Well, I'm all for that. We just got to find him first.
Lucille: He's locked on the balcony.
Michael: Oh, you meant Buster. I thought you were talking about Gob.
Lucille: Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?
George, Sr.: This is a ... Well, it's a reminder that the divine presence is always above me.
Lucille: You know, he's damaged goods. He was born with a hole in his heart.
Lucille 2: Listen to me, Lucille. I'm going to fill that hole 'cause we're in love.
Lucille: Oh, please. You're no more in love with him than I am.
Buster: Okay, we're all saying some things we're going to regret.
Lucille: He's weak.
Michael: Speaking of weak, Mom, what do you got in there, gold bars?
Lucille: Protein bars for your father. He's pumping up in prison.
Michael: Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren't necessities?
Lucille: Like it was yesterday.
Michael: It was this morning, and now I hear that you've hired a crew for the yacht? I'm selling that yacht.
Lucille: Michael, you haven't heard why I want it. To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.
Michael: I enjoy a bicentennial as much as the next guy, Mom, but we're not doing that.
It's an idiot on a scooter at night. It's got to be Gob.
Lucille: Buster, what's going on? What happened to your head?
Buster: Nothing. Gob was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer.
Lucille: Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time. Honest to God, Buster, it's like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I just have no idea where you get that from. Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.
Lucille: You're my third least favorite child.
Michael: I can live with that.
Michael: Actually my head does not hurt at all. What did you give me?
Doctor: Your mother asked me to pump you full of ...
Lucille: Children's aspirin.