Luke Danes Quotes
Luke: I just spent $100,000 and it's all YOUR fault! (Storms into the house)
Lorelai: Oh. Good. (Follows him)
Luke: I ran into Taylor at the market. I found out he owns the building that apartment was in.
Lorelai: No way!
Luke: (Pacing) That and several other properties all over town.
Lorelai: That is so weird.
Luke: He's systematically buying up the town. He's gonna turn it into Taylorville, where everyone will have to wear cardigans and have the same grass height!
Lorelai: You want to sit...?
Luke: And then he told me he's gonna told he's gonna buy the building next to the diner and turn into a collectible plates shop for freaks who don't have enough brain power to collect stamps! I lost it.
Lorelai: I can't picture that.
Luke: I walked around in a blind rage. I was crazy. I bought one of those Belgian waffles with the ice cream dipped in chocolate.
Lorelai: You ate that?
Luke: No, I didn't eat it!
Lorelai: Of course.
Luke: I'm upset. Not suicidal!
Lorelai: Right.
Luke: I knew I just had to do something and I just heard your voice going round and round in my head.
Lorelai: Yeah, it's kind of like the small world song.
Luke: Take a chance, Luke. Make a move, Luke. You can't have a single bed, Luke! So I bought the building!
Lorelai: You bought...
Luke: I went straight to the bank, signed a cashier's check, and I bought the building!
Lorelai: Wow.
Luke: I am the building's owner!
Lorelai: I heard.
Luke: I own the building!
Lorelai: Okay, don't worry. Maybe you can still get out of it. You can go back there and tell them you lost your mind.
Luke: Okay.
Lorelai: Or I bet you could sell it to Taylor!
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: So relax, you can still get out of this. Unless of course, you don't want to get out of this.
Luke: Oh, I want to get out of this. Why would I not want to get out of this?
Lorelai: Oh, owning that building gives you some options.
Luke: Like?
Lorelai: Like you could expand Luke's if you wanted to...
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Or you could rent it to someone else...
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Someone else who might drive Taylor crazy...
Luke: Maybe I should think about this.
Lorelai: Yeah, sleep on it.
Luke: Sleep on it. Right.
Mary: Now, I went over the square footage and the details of the lease with your husband this morning. Did he fill you in?
Luke: What? Oh no, we're
Lorelai: No, no, he didn't, but you know how men are. The minute that ball game comes on, all the realities of life just go right out the window.
Mary: Don't I know it.
Lorelai: I mean, I could answer the door wrapped in cellophane but unless I was wearing a Yankees cap. . .ugh, he wouldn't even notice.
Luke: Geez.
Lorelai: Oh, don't be embarrassed Snuffy, I'm just teasing. It'd be a Mets cap.
Luke: There was one place I kind of liked.
Lorelai: Okay, describe it to me.
Luke: It had walls...with a kind of a floor...and a light.
Lorelai: Okay. Tell me it had a roof, and I'm pulling that baby right out from under you!
(Luke comes into his apartment and finds Jess' music blaring and Luke wakes him up)
Jess: What?
Luke: Tomorrow, you and me are finding a bigger place. I want you up and moussed and ready by ten o'clock because we are finding a bigger place to live. Got it?
Jess: Got it.
Luke: Good.
Jess: I gotta go.
Luke: We got three more places to look at.
Jess: I'm supposed to be at Lorelai's in twenty minutes.
Luke: Right.
Jess: I mean, if you want me to bail on her...
Luke: No, go. I'll take some Polaroids of the next few places-
Jess: Take a Polaroid, paint a still picture, do whatever you want.
Luke: Jess.
Jess: Look. No one asked me if I wanted to move to Star's Hollow, but I'm here. So, pick a place, and I'll be there too.
Luke: Can you at least help me look for the papers? Lorelai: Okay. This it? (Picks up supply ledger) Luke: Give it here. Lorelai: Will you make us pancakes? Luke: Give me the book. Lorelai: Give me the pancake! Luke: Come on. Lorelai: Thank you. Luke: Are you sure you weren't pushed off your roof today?
Lorelai: A red hot mama!. Big pretty dish 'a lovin' with a spoon made especially for you.
Luke: Boy, do I not feel good now.
Mary: Listen to her.
Lorelai: Yeah. Listen to me.
Luke: You rarely give me a choice.
Lorelai: Come here so I can lick your face.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Luke, Rachel isn't the only woman in the world for you. You'll meet someone, someday. Probably at a Timberland store, and you'll ask her out. You'll pick her up, take her on a patented night of Luke Danes romance- juice bar followed by the batting cages- and then, you'll ask her back to your apartment.
Luke: Any amount of money if you stop right now.
Lorelai: You'll bring her back to your place, and lead her upstairs to the apartment door. You pause, gaze into her eyes. The stage is set. Fate is waiting. Then you open the door and she sees your teeny tiny apartment, one room and no closet space, and Jess' feet sticking up in the air because you never did get rid of the body!
Luke: Stop, please!
Lorelai: And to make matters worse, she spots it! The single bed!
Luke: What's wrong with a single bed?
Lorelai: Well, you know what they say.
Luke: No. What do they say?
Lorelai: Never date a guy who owns a single bed. It means he's not open to commitment.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: It says there's no room in this life for anybody but me!
Luke: No, it says there's no room in this bed for anybody but me!
Lorelai: Well, that's not a whole lot better!
(smashes hole in adjoining wall with sledgehammer) That's your room. (hands the sledgehammer to Jess) Finish up. We'll hold hands and skip afterwards.
</i> Luke
Luke: I'm having nightmares where I'm being chased by boxes with arms and they tackle me and throw clothes on top of me and secure it with masking tape and while I'm lying there, you're standing in the corner laughing putting gel in your hair!
Jess: Should I be putting a tongue depressor in your mouth right about now?
Lorelai: This whole morning has been a little Twilight Zone-y.
Luke: Or Outer Limits-y.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: Great show. Just as eerie, same era but no one ever references it.
Lorelai: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't speak geek.
Luke: (shakes head, self-deprecatingly) Yep, stepped right in it.
