Luke Danes Quotes
Rory: Think fast!
(Rory tosses phone to Luke who catches it in mid-stride with no trouble)
Lorelai: (to Rory) Whoa, impressive! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Goalie for the bagel-hockey team.
Rory: And bump Schmitty?
Lorelai: Schmitty's over the hill, he's washed up, put him in Cooperstown. (to Luke) Suit up, kid!
Luke: Call me if anyone sane walks in.
Luke: You okay?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: You don't seem your chipper self.
Lorelai: I brought some sparklers. I'll light them later and do some kicks.
Luke: You know, if you want I can clear the counter and you can play some bagel hockey.
Lorelai: You can't play bagel hockey by yourself.
Luke: I'll play with you. You'll have to explain the rules.
Lorelai: It's okay. I'm just trying to recover from last night. It was one of those nights where you start off stepping in quicksand and end up with a sixteen-ton anvil landing on your head.
Luke: I've had plenty of those. I'll bring some coffee.
(Lorelai and Luke are about to have a picnic after Luke bought her picnic basket)
Lorelai: Hey, where are you going?
Luke: I am going to the diner, I'm going to get us some edible food, and I'm gonna bring it back here for us to eat!
Lorelai: That is so not the point of today. I made this. I'm insulted. I will now proceed to pout.
Luke: I'll bring back some brownies.
Lorelai: Ooh, the pouting has left the building.
(Lorelai bursts into the diner)
Lorelai: Luke! Where is he, where is he? I need him! Caesar, where is - agh, agh, thank God. Hey, hey, you gotta come with me.
Luke: What are you doing? Hey hey, I got plates here!
Lorelai: Put the burgers down. Caeser, you're in charge.
Luke: Now wait.
Lorelai: Do you have money? I need money. (starts pushing the buttons of th register) Which one opens this thing? Is it that one, not that one.
Luke: Stop messing with that.
Lorelai: Luke, you gotta come out there with me. Patty gave my picture out to all these guys because she thinks I need a man.
Luke: You do, one with a nice couch and a deep knowledge of Freud.
Lorelai: You have to come out and bid on my basket.
Luke: Are you serious?
Lorelai: Yes.
Luke: I have never in my life taken part in one of these crazy group flip outs. I'm not about to start now.
Lorelai: But - right now - out there the -.
Luke: Just buy your own basket.
Lorelai: I cannot buy my own basket.
Luke: Why not?
Lorelai: Because that is pathetic.
Luke: And chasing me around my diner begging me to buy your basket?
Lorelai: Also pathetic. But that is a pathetic I can live with, where that pathetic is a truly pathetic pathetic, and only you can save me from the double pathetic! Please!
Luke: I can't believe I'm doing this.
Lorelai: Every picture you ever see of people at a picnic they are eating on the ground.
Luke: And every time I see a picture of people having a picnic on the ground I think "What the hell are you people doing eating on the ground? Get up...get some beach chairs you cheap skates!"
Luke: Who did you want to get your basket?
Lorelai: What?
Luke: I mean, before you knew Patty was gonna put you on the Dating Game, you did pack this disgusting lunch and bring it out here, so who did you want to get it?
Lorelai: Well, last year Roy Wilkins bought it and I got my sprinklers fixed for half price.
Luke: Uh huh.
Lorelai: And this year my rain gutters are completely clogged, and I thought if I could get the Collins kid to bite, I'd get that taken care of.
Luke: Very practical.
Lorelai: I thought so.
Luke: So the participation in this thing was purely for home improvement reasons?
Lorelai: Yes. And I don't know, it's a nice concept.
Luke: What is?
Lorelai: Just having someone who you love or have some kind of crazy crush on bid on your basket and then share a romantic lunch, it's a nice concept.
Luke: Well, I'm sure someday you'll manage to find the right guy and drag him out to this thing and make him by your stupid basket and then you'll be sitting out here with him.
Lorelai: Yeah, someday.
Luke: You know what?
Lorelai: What?
Luke: This is nice.
(After Luke has succesfully bid on Lorelai's basket)
Lorelai: You rock!
Luke: Thank you.
Lorelai: You're welcome.
Luke: So what do we do now?
Lorelai: I guess we eat.
Luke: This?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: First I have to buy it, then I have to eat it?
Lorelai: Hey, the basket of botulism does come with my company.
Luke: Huh. You don't eat with your mouth open do you?
Lorelai: Women don't eat at all. We just look at food and jump on the treadmill.
Luke: All right, let's go.
Luke: (about Paris, who is annoying him) Rory, how much do you like this girl?
Rory: Do what you gotta do, Luke.
Paris: Hey, where'd he come from? What's up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got yourself a little cat house up there?
Jess: Wow, I think she got you Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity.
Jess: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
Luke: Jess!
Jess: I wanna be good, life's just not letting me.
Lorelai: Hey, I need a grapefruit.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Yeah. Before my pancakes this morning I need half a grapefruit, uh, preferably one that tastes like a donut.
Luke: I don't have grapefruit.
Lorelai: How can you not have grapefruit?
Luke: I've never had grapefruit.
Lorelai: I need a grapefr... Listen, I have my father with me all day, and so far there's been no major drama or yelling or ugliness but there will be if I don't somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning.
Luke: I could go next door to Doose's and buy a grapefruit.
Lorelai: I would be eternally grateful.
Luke: I'll be right back.
Lorelai: Thank you.
Lorelai: Fill me up.
Luke: That's your sixth cup.
Lorelai: Yes it is.
Luke: How 'bout some tea?
Lorelai: Absolutely, throw it in with the coffee.
Lorelai: Luke, I need fifteen thousand dollars which I can't find, don't have, and if I don't find, the house is gonna fall down.
Luke: I can help you with that.
Lorelai: You can?
Luke: Yeah, I can get a couple guys, we can get in there and do the work.
Lorelai: You can fix this?
Luke: Well, I can help. I know a good contractor. He did some work on the diner.
Lorelai: What about the money?
Luke: Um, you won't have to deal with that right away.
Lorelai: I won't?
Luke: No, you can pay it out in installments if you want. Monthly, bimonthly, whatever - whatever you're comfortable with.
Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?
Luke: That's right.
Lorelai: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?
Luke: Only scarier.
Lorelai: Now Luke, when I finally do make out this installment check, uh, who should I make it out to?
Luke: Well, you can make it out to me if you like.
Lorelai: Oh, so basically you would be fronting me the money?
Luke: Well, yeah, but it's no big deal.
Lorelai: Luke, that's a loan.
Luke: No, it's just a temporary exchange of money for services that will be paid back when you finally have the... it's a loan.
Lorelai: Man, you suck as a liar. Thank you.
Luke: You're welcome.
Lorelai: I can't take it.
Luke: I know, but it was worth a shot.
