[to Maeby] "You should see his Facebook page. Doesn't have a friend on it."

Nice try, Gob. If I wanted to see bad acting, I'd see Tobias in "A Jew Came to Dinner."

Michael: Didn't you already try locking Tony Wonder in his trick?

Gob: Yeah, but that wasn't for revenge, that was just on spec.

Gob: I met someone. I can't really give you any information, kinda famous-y.

Michael: Well, I also met someone, also famous-y, can't give you any information. 

Gob: Is it Julie Bowen?
Michael: No, it's not. Is yours Julie Bowen?

Gob: Is yours Julie Bowen? Oh my god, Michael, you're seeing Julie Bowen?

Michael: I am not seeing Julie Bowen, but if you are, you tell me right now.

Gob: I want to hear you say the words, "I'm not seeing Julie Bowen."

Michael: I have not seen Julie Bowen.

Gob: Well, that's a funny way to phrase it.

No but it's hard to imagine any Muslim handcuffing himself to a glittery cross and living to tell about it.

Michael: Oh my God. I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.
Narrator: Actually, she's his daughter. But that's kind of worse, don't you think?

Ron Howard: You're the father.
Michael: But that would make my son the son.

Michael: Oh, gosh, no no no. My wife died years before any...any of this.
Ron Howard: Oh gee. I think it's a lot more fun if we see her die.

Google Guy: Now, with this car you might get some stares.
Michael: I'm used to a car with some stares.

Stop with the prayer hands. It just looks like you're out of ideas. Seriously, shoot me if you ever catch me doing that.

[to Lindsay] "I'm just not that into older women."

George Michael: What do we always say is the most important thing?
Michael: Family? I tried that. It does not work for me.

Arrested Development Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

(to a waiter) Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear.

Lucille