[to Maeby] "You should see his Facebook page. Doesn't have a friend on it."

Nice try, Gob. If I wanted to see bad acting, I'd see Tobias in "A Jew Came to Dinner."

Michael: Didn't you already try locking Tony Wonder in his trick?

Gob: Yeah, but that wasn't for revenge, that was just on spec.

Gob: I met someone. I can't really give you any information, kinda famous-y.

Michael: Well, I also met someone, also famous-y, can't give you any information. 

Gob: Is it Julie Bowen?
Michael: No, it's not. Is yours Julie Bowen?

Gob: Is yours Julie Bowen? Oh my god, Michael, you're seeing Julie Bowen?

Michael: I am not seeing Julie Bowen, but if you are, you tell me right now.

Gob: I want to hear you say the words, "I'm not seeing Julie Bowen."

Michael: I have not seen Julie Bowen.

Gob: Well, that's a funny way to phrase it.

No but it's hard to imagine any Muslim handcuffing himself to a glittery cross and living to tell about it.

Michael: Oh my God. I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.
Narrator: Actually, she's his daughter. But that's kind of worse, don't you think?

Ron Howard: You're the father.
Michael: But that would make my son the son.

Michael: Oh, gosh, no no no. My wife died years before any...any of this.
Ron Howard: Oh gee. I think it's a lot more fun if we see her die.

Google Guy: Now, with this car you might get some stares.
Michael: I'm used to a car with some stares.

Stop with the prayer hands. It just looks like you're out of ideas. Seriously, shoot me if you ever catch me doing that.

[to Lindsay] "I'm just not that into older women."

George Michael: What do we always say is the most important thing?
Michael: Family? I tried that. It does not work for me.

Arrested Development Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Gob