Popular Michael Scott Quotes
Michael: Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Business Man Magazine.
Jan: It said that?
Michael: It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
Jan: Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?
Michael: No. No, that would not be efficient... Actually, they just don't get a lot of work done when I'm not here... That's not true. I know how to delegate. And they do more work when I'm not here... Not more... the same amount of work is done whether I am here or not.
Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: And a woman.
Pam: Oh no.
Michael: But then she goes on to say "That will be our only topic of discussion." That doesn't mean anything. Those are just words...
Pam: I have one idea of what it means.
Michael: OK, yeah, what, what?
Pam: Well, I don't think you're going to be very happy with this.
Michael: Oh, great. Alright, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review.
Pam: Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional but she's fighting feelings for you.
Michael: Why - that's great news. That- that- Why would- why would I not like that?
Pam: Um, just 'cause that you work together and it might be awkward.
Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: Oh yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael: God. Stanley, that's frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry...
Stanley: Oh, it's OK. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto in fact.
Michael: No kidding?
Jan: I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior.
Michael: Been thinking about you.
Michael: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down? Like in a folder? A little idea folder?
Pam: Sorry.
Michael: That's unfortunate.
Michael: Attention please. Jan Levinson's coming very soon and so we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting. So you can get in your constructive compliments ASAP.
Ryan: Don't you mean "constructive criticism?"
Michael: What did I say?
Kelly: You said "constructive compliments." That doesn't make any sense.
Michael: It's nice to see you.
Jan: Nice to see you too, Michael.
Michael: Really?
Jan: Not like that.
I'm a little confused, because at first its like, all "Kissy Kissy." And then its like, all regret because "Oh, I regret that. But, wait. I'm still gonna call you. But-- But! We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were we talking about when we first kissed? Business.
Jan: So are you still in the middle of the Performance Reviews then?
Michael: Oh, no no. I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like "Wam bam, thank you ma'am." But I do say "Thank you ma'am." Not like "Wam bam." Not that there's anything wrong with "Wam bam..." If it's consensual.
[on the phone] All right, done deal! Thank you very much sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar! [pause] Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. My mistake. [hangs up] That was a woman I was talking to... so, she had a very low voice. Probably a smoker. So that's the way it's done!
