Popular Michael Scott Quotes
There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed. And I am not going to tell them that I will be reading their emails.
Michael
[on his approach to improv] Think about this, what is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies, or in real-life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it. You just can't.
Improv Instructor: Michael, what did you tell him?
Michael: nothing...
Improv Instructor: Then why are his hands up?... Bill...
Improv Classmate 1: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.
Stupid corporate wet blankets... it's not like booze ever killed anyone.
Michael
Michael: You're the expert, is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Store Clerk: 15 bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.
Happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.
Michael
Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say "Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth."
Michael
So Phyllis is basically saying "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's-worth." I gave Ryan an iPod!
Dwight: Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy!
What is with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.
Michael
Captain Jack: But I'm not only your ship's captain, I'm also your PARTY CAPTAIN!
Michael: YEAH, I'M YOUR PARTY CAPTAIN TOO!
Captain Jack: Michael, please.
Michael: And we are gonna... rock it!
Captain Jack: If you would just...
Michael: You are gonna put on your dancin' shoes later on! If the boat's rockin', don't come knockin'!
[on the phone] All right, done deal! Thank you very much sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar! [pause] Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. My mistake. [hangs up] That was a woman I was talking to... so, she had a very low voice. Probably a smoker. So that's the way it's done!
