Pete: Myka, are you hurt?
Myka: Well not physically, but next Thanksgiving might be a little problematic.

Now that's a purple heart.

Myka: Listen, when Cody hit you, I think that I saw something.
Pete: All I saw were stars oh and little birds.

Myka: You sure you are ok? You still look a little woozy.
Pete: That's my look.

Myka: So what about Paul Bunyan's axe, or David's slingshot?
Pete: Or how about bag of magical beans?
Artie: We got the axe, we got the slingshot. The beans, please - that's just a fairytale.
Pete: It's good to know where we draw the line.

Artie: It's gotta be an artifact. Adults don't have growth spurts. No short jokes, no fat jokes, no age jokes.
Pete: Well then, I got nothing.

Click me, huh? Click you!

Pete: Yeah, I don't even want to know what kind of jingle bells kicks you two kids are into?
Artie: Hey, hey, hey. It's a gift, not an artifact.

Myka: So why didn't the wishing work?
Pete: I've been thinking about that too. Maybe the dog tags just work on people that you love right? Judy's grandpa used it on his army buddy. Judy used it on Mike. I used it on..... do I have a booger?
Myka: No, no, no, no. You just admitted you love me.
Pete: I also love fajitas, cage fighting and bald women. I mean Sinead O'Connor.

That's not hockey. That's pole vaulting.

Throw in some deadly marbles and Harry Potter becomes Full Metal Jacket.

Brady: Tillman is competitive, especially this week because of the I.M.T.s.
Pete: Oh right. The I.M.T.s . The international monkey....
Hugo: Interschool Multi-discipline Tournament.
Hugo: Like Hogwarts.
Pete: Oh right!