Phil Mymen Quotes
Phil: My wife says I wouldn't know comedy if it ripped my face off.
Veronica: Good for you for having a wife
Lem: I'm sorry, but when I hear an undeserved compliment it makes my ears want to throw up.
Phil: Oh, your ears are always throwing up about something
Phil: Do you think I look like a possum in this shirt?
Lem: Not in that shirt. Why?
Linda: Listen to my tone and not my words. We can't just stand here and let them take Ted away from us. He is the shiniest employee we have.
Lem: Did you just say "shiniest"?
Linda: Again, listen to my tone and not my words. We have to do something.
Phil: Linda's tone is right. We can't function without Ted
Phil: This jet pack project is going to be so exciting. Jet packs are the ultimate dream of every scientist. Skies teeming with ordinary citizens strapped to rockets.
Lem: Flying through the air at 60 miles an hour in any direction... A lot of people are going to die
Linda: No, I can't be a chicken lady. I have so much I want to do in my life. I want to get married and have children and glue feathers to my back to mess with idiot scientists who are careless with experimental drugs.
Phil: You can still do all those things! Oh, wait
Phil: Linda, you can't hurt a baby.
Lem: Well, you can hurt them. They're not indestructible.
Phil: I meant it's morally indefensible.
Lem: Well, what if the baby killed a man?
Phil: You and your moral puzzles. I just love 'em
Lem: Do you think wildly erratic emotions could be a residual effect of the energy patch?
Phil: Hard to tell. This is the problem when the company will only pay for testing on drunk frat guys
Phil: Hey, Linda. What's wrong?
Linda: The Jewish people have had such a tumultuous history, and yet they were still able to give us this? The everything bagel--it's all you'd ever want in one bagel. I love it... and the chosen people who created it.
Ted: We're working on a contract for solar-powered ovens, which the military plans to air-drop into remote villages as a goodwill gesture. It'll be the only thing the military drops that doesn't kill people. The problem is...
Lem: It kills people.
Phil: The plastic we're using leaches toxins into food.
Lem: However, the toxins are only released when the ovens are exposed to sunlight.
Phil: Which is the only time solar ovens work.
Veronica: Some days, it seems like everything we do leaches toxins
Phil: We should tell her.
Lem: Or we don't tell her so she doesn't get mad at us again.
Phil: I like where this is going.
Lem: We're going. That's it. It went
Wait. i thought we used the last of the Band-Aids when you wanted to see what I'd look like with a mustache
