Dude, it's freezing in here. What the hell man? Hear that sound? That was my nipples crystallizing into diamonds on my chest

Sock [entering Sam's car]

Boxing requires focus. You know what it's like? It's like having sex. All right, everything's going good, right? You're getting your groove on, chugging along. In comes the talking, the hints, the tips, the criticizing. The next thing you know, you've lost that concentration, you're locked in the bathroom yelling at your own lap!

Sock: Yeah, Nina, nice. I like a girl who eats like a trucker.
Nina: Thank you, Sock

Ben: So I went to the mall alone...
Sock: Sure.
Ben: ...to buy a couple of pairs of pants.
Sock: I'm sorry. You bought a couple of pairs of pants? Since when do you need more than one pair of pants? What are you, Jude Law?

She's my sister and the only one allowed to have sex with her is me

Sock [to Topher]

It's like she's water-boarding my boys, Sammy. They're constantly blue

Sock [about Kristen wrestling with him]

Sock: Your ladyhood is a very very special thing. It's like a... you know, it's like a super awesome hot tub. And if you just let anybody hop into that tub, it becomes meaningless. It becomes filled with hair and you have to clean it out all the time.
Kristen: I hate dirty hot tubs.
Sock: We all do

Sock: Sam! Listen. Here's what we're going to do. We need to get our stories straight, okay. People are going to come here, they're going to ask questions. We have to have answers ready.
Sam: But our friend is dead!
Sock: Ben would want us to have a cover-up story for the cops and that is a fact, Sam.

Sock: This is so unfair. I am not her brother. I mean, I don't even look like her. Why does she insist on labeling me as her brother. I just want her to see me the way the rest of the world does.
Sam: And how is that?
Sock: As a sexual magician

Sam: Maybe you guys should cover the other exit.
Sock: Cover the exit with what? Our spines?

Kristen: Your mom puts a lot of pictures up of you around her room, it's a little strange
Sock: No, not really. I put most of them up myself

Ben [about the lost souls]: They even drank all the Zimas
Sock: It's kinda a shame they have to go back to hell, I would love to party with these guys

Reaper Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went


Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron