Sterling Archer Quotes
Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!
Archer: How much of that did you hear?
Lana: Depends. What's your angle, Seamus?
Archer: (chuckles) Well, probably about 30 degrees.
[background rim shot]
Ray: (in background) Diminishing returns, Cliff!
Coroner: Your jerk-off partner is already back there.
Poovey: Uh, what?
Archer: Ugh. Glasses, dark hair, gray at the temples, mouth that looks like somebody used a tomato capper to scoop out a pig's asshole and glued it onto his nose?
Poovey: Aww shit.
Mother: They say the devil's in the details.
Archer: And silk pajamas.
I bet that creepy old joint's as haunted as Mrs. Muir's thwat.
Archer: I really wish we hadn't have done that.
Poovey: I can never unsee him naked.
Archer: I mean, the size of that thing.
Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.
Poovey: You better pray to God it wasn't you who hit me. Because whoever it was...
Archer: [points to the gigantic Verl]
Poovey:...hits like a little bitch of a girl, who was born with some kind of bitch of a birth defect, so that instead of a fist, she just has this tiny bitch of a nubbin.
Mother: Well, I hate to say I told you so.
Archer: Do you?
Mother: No. It's one of the few great pleasures in life.
Cecil: I'm afraid I'm going to ask for proof that you actually have Charlotte.
Archer: What kind of -- wait. Oh no.
Cecil: Yes, I'm afraid I require...a finger.
Archer: Uh, I could bring you her! Just drive by the house, she could wave to you.
Cecil: Ummmm, nope.
Archer: I...that's...then how 'bout a photo of her holding today's newspaper?
Cecil: Ummmm, well now that could work!
Cecil: Just make sure that she's holding the newspaper with nine fingers.
Archer: Ugh, goddammit.
Cecil Vandertunt: At 7am, you care for bourbon?
Malory: You don't want to drive all the way out there, only to hear him say, "On second thought, to make this happen, we're going to need a finger."
Archer: Nobody has ever said, "To make this happen, you're going to need a finger."
Malory: Oh, you'd be surprised!
Archer: [shudders] Ugh.
Floyd: Are you crazy?
Verl: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Archer [mockingly]: Oh my God, is diabetes contagious?!?