Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Kids, up to this point in the story we had found doppelgangers - eerie but awesome lookalikes for four of the five of our little group. There was lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican wrestler me. Yes, mine was the coolest. So we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turns out it was more important to some of us than others.
Barney: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay!
Ted: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's-
Barney: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV!
Ted [showing his tramp-stamp]: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?
Future Ted: I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing but we got out, Dana let us in, and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. And, you know what it tastes like?
[cut to MacLaren's]
Girl: What?
Ted: Freedom. No, actually, it tastes like pennies.
Girl: My God. Did you guys really do that?
Future Ted: We really did. And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story
Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap Deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness. But I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest
Ted: Look, don't you think you're being a little impulsive marrying a guy you just met a few months ago?
Sarah: Don't you think it's a little impulsive for you to proposition an engaged woman you don't even know?
Ted: See, we're both impulsive. We're perfect for each other
Robin: Wow. That makes me want to join a gym. So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: Yes, we should all do it.
Lily: Yeah. Let's all punch Barney in the face.
Ted: Hey, this may sound weird but it'll definitely sound more weird once my shirt's off so I'm gonna ask you now. Do you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?
Sarah: Oh, that's very sweet, but I'm actually getting married on Saturday.
Ted: Friday night?
Ted: Have fun on your double date.
Lily: For the last time, I'm sorry, there was a lull.
[flashback to the bar]
Gael: Then, we lay on the beach and counted the stars.
Lily: Do you wanna have dinner with me - us?
[flash back to present]
Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
Lily: No, I don't! Not incredibly.
Ted: Oh my God! I have a tattoo!
Barney: That's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ted: Tramp stamp?
Barney: You know, a hoe tag, ass antlers, a Panama City license plate
Ted: It's Sunday! It's Pancakes day!
Marshall: Lily always made the pancakes. God I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warm. So perfectly shaped.
Ted: Are we still talking about her pancakes? ...C'mon, you gotta eat something. What can I get you?
Marshall: Beer.
Ted: No, that's what you had for dinner.
Marshall: Fine! I'll just have leftovers.
[Marshall pulls half-drunk beer out of couch]
Ted: Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Robin: Uhhh, it's delicious enough
