Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
There's a fine line between a true story and a bald-faced lie.
Barney: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay!
Ted: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's-
Barney: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV!
Ted: If I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on Fifth Ave are closed.
Zoey: You're going down.
Ted: Down where? To the yacht club? I'd love to, but wait I'm half Jewish, is that going to be a problem?
Robin: Wow. That makes me want to join a gym. So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: Yes, we should all do it.
Lily: Yeah. Let's all punch Barney in the face.
Ted [showing his tramp-stamp]: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?
Robin: My friend just got dumped, so tonight all men are "the Enemy".
Ted: If it would make your friend feel better, you can throw a drink in my face.
Robin: She would love that!
Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap Deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness. But I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest
Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Bald Guy: Who?
Ted: Moby... The recording artist, Moby.
Bald Guy: Oh, no.
Ted: But when we said "Hey, Moby" you said "Yeah".
Bald Guy: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Bald Guy: No
Robin: I know what they were fighting about and it wasn't peanut butter.
Ted: I appreciate it, but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman.
Robin: They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.
Ted: What?
Robin: Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore.
Yes, Barney, your submissions were received and no, we will not be attending any parties in your pants
Ted: I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?
Robin: Yes. No. Maybe.
Ted: Those are the three options
Kids, up to this point in the story we had found doppelgangers - eerie but awesome lookalikes for four of the five of our little group. There was lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican wrestler me. Yes, mine was the coolest. So we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turns out it was more important to some of us than others.
