Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Lily [about asking to bring a date]: You can always ask Stuart.
Ted: Can I do that?
Lily: Sure, you guys have been friends for a long time, and it's 40% his wedding too
Ted: If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.
Robin: He's also quite the detective.
Ted: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Marshall: No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, supervolcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.
Ted: Where does this woman live?
Robin: We're talking about a woman that actually Barney Stinson to commit, I'm guessing Narnia
Robin: My friend just got dumped, so tonight all men are "the Enemy".
Ted: If it would make your friend feel better, you can throw a drink in my face.
Robin: She would love that!
Ted [showing his tramp-stamp]: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?
Ted: I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?
Robin: Yes. No. Maybe.
Ted: Those are the three options
This is gonna be a long jinx. Like Yom Kippur services long. The only difference is Yom Kippur's a fast and this one's gonna be a slow.
Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool, exhibit A. [points to his own suit] Lesson three, don't even think about getting married til you're thirty.
Nurse: So you're the guy who tried to make it with a goat?
Ted: If anything that goat tried to make it with me. Can I go please?
Nurse: You can go, buddy, just remember bahhh means bahhh
Move over Adolf Hitler, there's a new king of comedy!
Barney: And for the love of god, boobs?
Ted: Solid C Cup perky bounce
Barney: Momentary grudging respect.
