Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweat pants?
Barney: Maybe, but they're Armani!
I would open a vein in my arm if I could bleed that locket out, just to make her happy.
Hey, where the hell is my...oh! OK. Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865 to 1923 is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw, not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not even going to show up. I mean, where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? [turns around and sees Robin] Hi. Hi, Robin
Marshall
Barney: I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlaps, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day The Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle
Barney: Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatability with your paramour and conclude your association.
Robin: My journey was transformative and I reassert my committment to both the aforementioned paramour & the philosophies he espouses.
Gael: What are we talking of? Baseball?
Barney: It's all gonna return to masticate you in the glutials. Support my hypothesis, Ted.
Ted: I'm just jubilant my former paramour is jubilant.
Ted: Barney...
Barney: This isn't Barney. ...but I hear that guy's awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at MacLaren's in an hour.
Ted: How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
Barney: ...I look like Barney.
Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college
Lily: This burger is so good, its like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas.
Ted: Its like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen of McClaren's... where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
Barney: I love this burger so much I want to sew my ass shut
Barney: I picked the right tie didn't I?
Ted: You nailed it.
Ted: So, how many people are in on this Party School Bingo thing?
Barney: Oh, it's just me.
Ted: So what's the point, then?
Barney: The point is to get five in a row.
Ted: And what do you get when you get five in a row?
Barney: I get Bingo
Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport you meant you were going to pick someone "up" at the airport?
