Hodgins: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.
Brennan: Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.
Angela: Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?

Angela: Four years ago Jared's girlfriend was a hooker?
Brennan: An escort. I believe in the hierarchy of prostitution, an escort ranks equal to high class call girl.
Angela: And now she teaches grade school?
Brennan: Mm-hmm. I don't see any other injuries that could be cause of death. Apparently the rule is, once a sex worker always a sex worker.
Angela: You know, it really would have been better if Booth never ran her record.
Brennan: He said it was my influence. That it was the rational thing to do.
Angela: No, sweetie, he's rationalizing. Which makes what he did irrational, because he's rationalizing that Jared can't make rational decisions for himself. You do the same thing all the time. Maybe that's what he learned from you.

Booth: You think your brother's girlfriend is hinky? Is that slang for pretty or buxom?
Brennan: No, it's just slang for iffy.
Booth: Well, iffy is already slang. I don't see the need for slang for slang.

Cam: You two don't understand. Booth is a very patriotic man. He really believes this is the greatest country ever.
Brennan: Being the best doesn't mean being perfect.
Sweets: It's naive to think that a country the size and influence doesn't pursue secret agendas.
Cam: Kennedy's assassination wasn't a secret agenda, it was a black stain. A dark moment in history. Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Brennan: Approximately fifty.

Brennan: Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling to the mid saggital plane, enchaplametric transaction, or translation, if you will of the intramatrix can be deduced by correlating the force displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
Agent White: Which is the cantaloupe?
Brennan: You understand me perfectly.

Booth: Hey, guys! Guys, listen, I'm going to need some science gibber-gabber to distract these guys!
Brennan: Oh, do you know who's really good at gibber-gabber?
Booth: Who?
Brennan: Me!
Booth: Perfect! My lucky day.

Brennan: Bone graft. It looks like a repair to a screw hole.
Cam: Huh. I count three metal plates.
Brennan: Indicating multiple corrective surgeries.
Cam: Which could help us positively identify these remains.
Brennan: Mr. White told us to regard identification as a zero priority.
Cam: I'm not as good as you are at doing as I'm told.
Brennan: Thank you!

Cam: Strange question, I know, but I've gotta ask. [pulls EPT test from behind her back] Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
Brennan: No, I haven't had sexual intercourse in quite some time.
Cam: Do you want to know why I'm asking?
Brennan: You're holding a home pregnancy test. I assume it's positive and you're worried about losing the most important person in this lab.
Cam: No. Very modest. I'm asking because Michelle was here earlier this afternoon and the only other two people who you use that bathroom, beside me, are you and Angela.
Brennan: Well, Angela is currently sexually active.
Cam: Very true.
Brennan: With Wendell!
Cam: Very, very active!
Brennan: And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young! His sperm is likely to be extremely motile.
Cam: You are so cheering me up right now.

Booth: Come on Bones, you don't believe that there are other real life forms out there?
Bones: Well the ... probability is very high, but any alien visiting this planet would have sufficient intelligence not to die in the middle of the desert.

Brennan: It's not a spaceship.
Booth: Well, if it smells like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ...
Brennan: But then it would be a duck, not a spaceship, so your point escapes me.
Booth: It's just a metaphor.

It's very satisfying to use an insulting colloquialism, even when it isn't accurate.

Booth: You know, when I say heartbreaking you say the heart is a muscle, so it can't break. It can only get crushed.
Brennan: Isn't it heartcrushing?
Booth: You want to go to his funeral?
Brennan: Yes, I would. Then she won't be alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.

Bones Quotes

You're looking at her fruits?

Booth[to Sweets]

Brennan: What have you done?
Hodgins: Baking soda. It's not just for cooking any more.

Bones Music

  Song Artist
Fearless Cyndi Lauper iTunes
The World Is... Matthew Ryan iTunes
Song Rain Or Shine Matthew Perryman Jones