Veronica Palmer Quotes
Veronica: I don't take the high road, Ted. The high road leads to Pansy Town.
Ted: Or maybe it leads to a more effective way of handling an adversary... ville.
Linda: Can't we develop one product that doesn't end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky bomb.
Veronica: You're so moral and perfect all the time. Do singing birds and mice dress you and brush your hair in the morning?
Linda: No. Although my dad does call me "Princess." And there is a grumpy dwarf in my building.
Lem: The mat and the vest are both magnetized. When a child puts on the vest and steps on the mat, the magnets repel each other, making the child almost weightless, like an astronaut bouncing on the moon.
Phil: Now every child can have hours of repulsive fun.
Ted: Pete Gilroy's team is working on a similar system, and the company's only going to go for one. So, we need to make damned sure that it is... "The Floater." Yeah, that's not such a good name.
Lem: What about "The Astro-Nut?" You know, because it's crazy. (waves hands)
Veronica: Has waving your hands ever sold me on anything? (waves hands) Remember "Corpse-Eating Battlefield Robot?"
Ted: Now I've got to go find Phil and Lem and straighten out the MRE disaster.
Veronica: Don't boo-hoo me. Did that MRE touch your boobies, Ted? Then shut the hell up.
Veronica: In fact, we need to talk about us. And the future of our babies and how they'll be committed.
Walter: Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay.
Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That's right--big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cordwood.
Walter: Really?
Veronica: Yes, sir. That's all I ever think about--the future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment.
Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you're gonna want to put three words into heavy rotation--babies, future, and commitment.
Veronica: Back off! I need my space! Wow, those words are powerful.
Veronica: So I let him kiss me.
Linda: Oh, my God!
Veronica: But then I still felt guilty, so I let him feel me up.
Linda: Oh, my...
Veronica: I think I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter ever.
Veronica: Here, I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
Walter: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they day.
Veronica: I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate...
Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.
So this is guilt, huh? In the past, I've always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.
Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?
Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.
