The only thing harder than building a business is finding love.


What, you can’t light a couple’s head on fire without it being about your ex-boyfriend?


Caroline: Well there’s no line on this form for “downstairs eyebrow” so I’m just going to list it as “home office.”
Sophie: Yeah, well, I do work out of it.

So you want an obnoxious cake on a trust fund wearing an ironic t-shirt with HPV?


He doesn’t want to do the cake stuff. Well, I don’t want to do the butt stuff.


Caroline: For the future, you cannot claim your weed dealer as a dependent.
Earl: I don’t know why, I’m very dependent on weed.

Han: It’s that time of year again.
Max: I’m so jealous. I can’t believe you only get your period once a year.

Who are what did you do to get this $20 tip?


Caroline: Max, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
Max: Don’t get all wet, you’re still at the bottom of the three-way list.

Sir, if you say another bad word about her I’m going to whoosh-whoosh you off of that chair.


Girl, you need to chill.


Me in those pearls is like a monkey in baby clothes. Just plain wrong.


2 Broke Girls Quotes

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.


Hey, when you get a second, stop staring at my boobs.