You need to stop freaking out because you're not where you thought you would be, in life or in our business. It's real life, lower your expectations.

Max

Michael: I love her, so Madeline Stowe in Revenge.
Caroline: I don't watch that.
Stephen: We love it.
Michael: It's about a young blonde woman who is taking revenge on all the people who destroyed her life.
Caroline: Yeah, too close to home.

Earl: The guys in booth 2 just asked Han if he was on the down-low, they think he's gay.
Max: That's a step up; usually people think he's a lesbian.

Caroline: Oleg, what are you doing here? And you put the "Oh No" in Komono.
Oleg: Sophie is letting me have sex with her; I came down to borrow sensual oils, preferable ones you can eat.

Caroline: You can't handle was on the other side of that door.
Max: Yesterday I saw a guy on the stoop frenching his cat, I can handle anything.

Caroline: Max watch out, you're so tired your spilling batter all over yourself.
Max: I knew it was just a matter of time until I became a battered woman.

2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 19 Quotes

Caroline: You can't handle was on the other side of that door.
Max: Yesterday I saw a guy on the stoop frenching his cat, I can handle anything.

Caroline: Max watch out, you're so tired your spilling batter all over yourself.
Max: I knew it was just a matter of time until I became a battered woman.